My State of Being

Empowered....

2012-02-10T16:27:00.000-05:00

So this week I'm in Salt Lake City at an event called Breaking FREE Live Event with David Neagle.

I'm not a huge 'follower' of others. I tend to do things because I want to not because someone else told me I have to. So I shy away from hardcore coaches like David Neagle.

Why?

Because I'm a pussy and a whiner.

No joke!

I enjoy resistance. It's comfortable for me and I justify my behaviour by telling myself this is just the way I am.

I was invited to this event. I didn't seek it out (technically it sought me out). I decided to attend because I love plane rides. Plus I love to not have to cook for anyone or clean for anyone for a few days every once in a while.

I had convinced myself I was coming as support for my friend, that I was not in need of any of the information that was going to be offered. I am a free floater. I need no one.

PULLLEEEAAASSSEEE!!!!! What a load of bullshit THAT was!

And the fact that my friend didn't smack me over the head when I said to her 'listen, I'm not really committed to this event or what is being offered so you might not see me showing up for the sessions'.

I have been here since Wednesday and I haven't missed a thing!

I was totally resisting that there are things about my business frame of mind that need to change. The writing is on the wall, written with spray paint and I am working tirelessly to scrub it off with nothing but plain water!

My point. Things just weren't working.

So far in less than three days I have found where I have been going so wrong, have connected with a woman that will more than likely become my business coach and I have made a life changing decision to value my services and go full throttle into my real passion.

For those who know me well and who read not only my blog but follow my life in everything I do, know that I love helping families and children become empowered.

I have flip flopped back and forth on this passion. Sometimes entertaining it and allowing it space in my life and other times flopping it into an old shoe box and stuffing it into a dark and dusty closet to be forgotten.

What I've learned since Wednesday is that when I speak about family relationship coaching I light up, I feel energized and feel like I can conquer anything! Thinking about helping families understand each other better, communicate more effectively and essentially change their lives gives me goosebumps.

Our families are in crisis. As parents, we are too overworked and overstressed to make the right decisions for our children which results to emptiness, guilt and shame over our parenting.

It doesn't have to be that way!

I've spent 17+ years preparing for my role as Family Relationship Coach. I am passionate about helping parents figure this whole parenting thing out, empowering their children and single handedly changing their lives around.

Let's face it, when our families are happy and balanced our entire lives tend to become happier and more balanced.

So this commitment to focus on this passion is not going to be without major changes to how things are done around here. Major changes.

But I am more than ready.

Stay tuned!

Pursuit of Happiness

2012-02-07T11:43:00.000-05:00

I'm content.

I don't need anything more than what I have right now in this moment.

Everytime I think about my husband, children and friends I feel full, complete and loved.

If I never do another thing in my life I will be happy.

If I get to sit all day and stare at walls I will be happy.

If I never get to travel, never get to drive a fancy car and never get to live on the water of Georgian Bay I will be happy.

This is where I am right now.

And I have no idea how I got here.

We've been lead to believe that happiness is marked by fireworks and grandiose 'aha' moments.

It's not.

In fact, being in this space is hard to verbalize to others. Where do I begin with the story of my happiness when I don't know how I came upon it in the first place?

Who can understand that I have goals and dreams, and yet in this moment if none of them came to be that would be just fine?

I mean, that's not how things go on this planet! We are supposed to be striving towards something bigger and better than our now moment, not sitting happily sipping tea and watching the wind blow the leaves around the yard.

My friend Heather was asking me this morning what my heart desires.

My answer was 'nothing'. It desires nothing. And at the moment I spoke those words I realized how frightened I am of that statement.

Nothing is desired.

Terrifying!

I mean what do I DO with myself if my heart desires nothing?

Nobody teaches you this stuff. Everyone teaches how to GET happiness. How to GET what you want. Nobody tells you what to do when you have reached a space of happiness that is so amazing you cannot stop yourself from smiling at the piles of laundry and dried bits of egg on the stove top like a crazy lady!

I'll keep you posted.....

What it's all about....

2012-01-28T17:31:00.000-05:00

Today was an INSPIRING day.

I put the word inspiring in caps because it's the only way I can convey through technology that it was super inspiring.

Not your run of the mill inspiring. A knock down, blow your socks off, rock your boat inspiring!

WHEW!

Today was the day we unleashed our awesomeness and let me tell you I am exhausted {smile}.

Not just because it's been two months of hard work putting this event together and not because the day was long, but because the amount of information that spun through my brain, the amount of healing and realization that occurred in my body within a six hour period was life changing!

So therefore the body will need a rest!

At the end of the day I was looking around the room at the 45 people who attended the awesomeness summit and I wondered how this day affected them. It will be different for everyone. Some might not think it affected them at all. Others might be doing everything they can to contain their overwhelming excitement at the limitless possibilities in front of them.

I would be in that second category. Personally, I need a two day nap! I went from feeling fine and presenting my information to experiencing a migraine headache, exhaustion and then full energy again within a six hour period.

The shifts that occurred in that room were palpable. You could feel everyone coming into their own awareness and it was amazing to be a part of it.

To everyone who attended. You are the most courageous people I know! You stepped WAY outside of your comfort zone today. You totally rocked it AND you proved to yourself and the Universe that you are ready to get on with it!

I am so proud to know each and every one of you and I trust we will meet again.

To the women who stood with me today and gave it 110% for the benefit of everyone in the room and everyone in our community. I am honoured to call you friend. I am honoured to be a part of a team of women who believe in positive change and believe that they can be that change.

That's what it's all about!

Now THAT is AWESOME!

2012-01-24T15:13:00.000-05:00

There's a woman I know.

She reads my blog posts all the time and I frequently get the most heart-felt, love filled messages from her about how much I inspire her and how much she appreciates me.

What she doesn't know is that her story inspires me. Her messages motivate me to keep going and keep doing what I do. Hearing her story and knowing that each day I could have an impact on her keeps me aware of who I am and what I want to put out to the world every day.

Since the day we launched the Unleash Your Awesomeness Summit she has been in contact with me, ensuring me that she is doing what she can to get to this event.

This year my friend has been homeless. Without a husband. Without money. Without gas for her car. Without food. And most days, without hope.

Through it all she has kept a strong faith in God.

When it came to attending the event, she told me she just knew she had to be there, that she had to surround herself with like minded people who could help her up to the next level of her journey.

She is who this summit is about. It's not about me, Heather, Kelly or Rosemary. It's about YOU and your willingness to know you are worth the time, money and effort it will take to do the thing that will change your life.

This summit is about showing you WHO you are and the gifts you can offer this world. That can be scary (trust me, I know!) but it is also totally worth it!

She's so excited and will be stopping by tonight to pay for and pick up her ticket!

I have to say that to know where she has been, to hear her story and to know the hardships she has faced, I am completely and utterly honoured that she would choose to spend the day with me on January 28 to learn more about how she can unleash her awesomeness and take the world by storm!

Will you join us?

http://awesomenesssummit-autohome.eventbrite.com/

Ticket sales end Wednesday @ midnight!

Harder than it looks...

2012-01-19T09:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a day of extreme emotion.

It started with laughter, light hearted fun and connectedness. It ended with tears of pain and sorrow.

We knew there was a video of the attack on my son. It hit YouTube late last night.

Have you ever watched your son get beat by a boy that has no respect for himself or anyone else?

It's sickening, heartbreaking, body numbing. And it takes your breath away but not in one of those "oh what a beautiful mountain" ways, more like a "oh my God, that's my son being kicked in the ribs and I can't do anything to stop it from happening" way.

It's an extremely vulnerable place to be.

I watched that video (YouTube removed it) and felt defeated for a time. I've done everything I can to empower my children and here was one of them, being beaten down and I watched with my hands tied because I can't turn back the clock.

Earlier this week I made the decision to recommit to focusing my energy on non-violent empowerment for youth. I had been doing it for years and then my focus turned to other things. After viewing multiple videos regarding bullying and watching the Gandhi movie a couple of weekends ago. I realized that change must happen. Bullies aren't going to go away. But empowering youth to do the right thing in a bullying situation, teaching them to stand firm in their belief in themselves and nurturing self confidence can make a huge difference in how many lives bullying destroys.

Yesterday's events confirmed my passion for this topic.

And while I felt defeated, one thing truly stood out while I watched that video. Not once did my son fight back. Now I know most parents would want their child to protect and defend themselves. My son knew there was no reason for violence, he hadn't done anything wrong and was happy to walk away and hope this kid settled down. He was pulled down. Punched and kicked, all the while saying "I'm not going to fight you". He stayed in his integrity, he stood firm in his values and morals that violence is not the answer.

In the moment it might look like cowardice to some. But to me I see strength, resilience and courage.

God! That's amazing!

As my son was trying to convince me to let him stay home from school today I explained to him that if something happens at school, if he is hit again, or hurt again I will do the same thing I did yesterday, today. I will report the behaviour one by one by one for as long as I have to do that until someone gets the picture that we've all had enough of this bullshit.

This is all much harder that it looks by the way.

Standing Up!

2012-01-18T16:35:00.000-05:00

I don't even know if I should blog about this or if I am 'allowed' to. But I just can't keep it to myself. So here it is.

Today, while visiting with a friend I got a phone call.

It was my son.

His voice shaking.

"Mom.....can you come and get me?"

He wouldn't tell me what was wrong and totally melted down when I got him into the truck.

He had been assaulted on his way home from school by a kid who apparently was purposely following him because he talked to a girl that this other kid liked. This kid was accompanied by many others. One who video'd the entire attack on his cell phone.

He was grabbed by the neck, thrown to the ground, punched in the neck and kicked in the ribs repeatedly.

He got away when one of the friends he was walking with interjected and ran into a nearby public school for safety.

I looked at my son. And I said to him "we have to go to the police". I knew he wouldn't want to. What kid wants to go talk to police about just getting beat up? My gut was telling me to help him stand up and show him that there are ways to empower yourself in the face of violence. You don't fight back with force, you fight back with your brains and hopefully by taking the proper steps you help someone to change their ways and live a better life as well.

He was so embarassed by the attack that he just wanted to go home. I asked him if going home would help him feel empowered and in control of his life. He said 'no'. I asked him if he thought going home and doing nothing would end this inappropriate violence. He said 'no' again.

We headed to the OPP and spoke with an officer who was extremely comforting to my son and commended him on his courage for standing up for himself in this way. She gave him tips on how to handle any situations that might arise and that she would notify school officials as soon as possible so that they could also be aware of the situation at hand.

As we left the station, I could feel his relief and I asked him how he felt. He looked at me and he said "I feel good." And I answered "That's because you just did something really good, you stood up for yourself, you empowered yourself instead of letting this boy beat you down."

Do I think this is the end of it. No.

Do I hope that it is. Yes

If we do nothing, nothing changes.

I didn't go to the OPP arms raised yelling and screaming about the unfairness of life. I let my son talk to an officer and I only spoke when asked a question. She discussed options rationally and fairly. He was given the opportunity to see that there are processes in place that can help him and keep him safe.

This is how you teach your child to take responsibility for their safety. I am so glad that I have learned this over the years. I am so glad that I am able to share this with my son. I am so glad he is safe!

WAY out of my comfort zone!

2012-01-18T12:59:00.000-05:00

By now it's no secret that I am part of a group of fabulously talented women who have birthed the Unleash Your AWESOMEness Event.

In the beginning when we all sat down together to throw some ideas around, we found we had many things in common. One of them being that we had all dreamed of being part of an event this big!

As you all know, having a dream and bringing it into your physical reality are two totally different things.

There are fears and beliefs you need to wade through to get the confidence to do such a thing. Thankfully I have a team working with me so we are all supporting eachother through whatever emotion we are feeling in the moment. And let me tell you there have been many!

I've gone to many events like the one we are hosting on January 28. Paid lots of money to travel to see certain people speak and learn from the best of the best. So, the bar has been set pretty high in my mind.

And sometimes I feel like I am WAY outside of my comfort zone. It's uncomfortable like a wool sweater against bare skin, sometimes it's itchy and sometimes you just want to take it off and run as far as you can from it.

Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating....but not by much!

I'm learning through this experience that going outside of your comfort zone is the only way to make any real progress, to make any real dreams come true.

It means maybe spending money you don't feel worthy of spending on yourself. It means admitting that you would love to be in a room full of people who think, feel and see just the way you do. It means being strong enough to stand up and say 'I'm not going to take this shit anymore!' and 'damn it! I deserve a better life than this!'

You're awesomeness is just dying to get out of that closet you've locked it in so it can be free, play and have fun!

And what I want everyone reading this to know is that your dreams are more than possible. They are actually waiting for you to realize how simple it would be to just do it!

This event is for every man, woman and young adult who is looking for big things in their life. There is something AWESOME living inside each and every one of us and trust me when I say that the unleash your awesomeness summit is the event that will bring your inner awesomeness out for the world to see.

And having just said that and re-reading it, I can sense how scary that might be for some people or maybe you don't think you are ready to embrace your awesomeness or maybe you don't think you are awesome (that would be sad!).

I think 2012 is the perfect year to embrace your inner awesome. I think it's about time you give yourself that gift and start really wowing the world with your gifts and passions. Don't you?

1 day + 4 heart centered women = Pure Awesomeness!

Tickets are 50% SOLD OUT! Get yours today @ http://www.eventbrite.com/event/2706624587/efblike

If only we knew.

2012-01-17T12:20:00.000-05:00

Last night I dreamed of my deceased father and uncle.

They were playing with my boys inside what seemed to be a beautiful castle with white walls and fresh light everywhere. In the middle of the room was a very large pile of gigantic colourful pillows, kind of like large bean bag chairs. They were jumping and playing and wrestling with eachother ontop of this mountain of pillows, laughing hard.

It was so fantastic to watch this happening and at the same time I watched myself cling tightly to my fathers neck, bawling my eyes out and asking him not to leave me.

He was playing with my kids AND he was with me at the same time.

I knew he couldn't stay with us long. I knew this was a special visit.

I don't remember words being spoken, in fact even my pleas for him to stay were non-verbal.

When I woke up and I was sharing the dream with my husband, my eyes teared up and they are doing it again now.

As I moved through my morning I realized how different I am feeling today. I am feeling a burst of energy, I feel loved and appreciated and most of all I have a strong sense of my dreams and goals becoming a reality.

Was this his message to me? To keep moving, have faith, stand strong in my hopes and dreams? Maybe.

I think this is the message that all of our loved ones who have passed on have for us. If we only knew the support and love that is flowing into our lives right this minute from a source we cannot see.

If only we knew.

How would it change your day? How would it change your plans for the future? To have this message in your heart from a beloved.

I personally have strong physical support in this world as well, but there is something magical about having unseen forces urge you along your path. Perhaps even smoothing the road a bit so it is more manageable.

Who in your life have you lost and what do you think they are whispering to you right now?

Have we all lost our minds????

2012-01-16T09:13:00.002-05:00

So Sunday morning I open up my facebook to see a picture of a woman standing next to her son. Her son is wearing a big sign that says "I lie, I steal, I sell drugs, I don't follow the law".

A local media guy was going to be presenting this story on his morning radio show and was asking what listeners thought about it. His question "Are we too soft on our kids?"

This mom from Indiana is fed up with her 14 year old son's nasty behaviour (no doubt). She says that when he's caught by authorities all he gets is a few hours of community service and she feels that punishment hasn't been enough since he hasn't changed his ways.
So, this story for me was shocking enough. I cannot imagine in my wildest dreams no matter how badly my boys behaved putting a sign on them to shame and humiliate them into behaving better.

But then I read all of the comments by local followers, condoning this parental behaviour. In fact going so far as to cheer this mother on, saying that our kids are 'too soft' these days, that the child deserves what he's getting, on and on and on. Really?

These might be the same parents that go to the school when their child is being bullied and take it out on staff. Adopting kind of a 'no one else can bully my child but me' attitude.

As for the 'our children are too soft' comments. Really? Our children spend their days dodging bullies on playgrounds (and within their homes) and playing video games like Grand Theft Auto. The lyrics to the songs they love promote violence, hate, racism and degradation. The television shows they watch are putrid and further condone bullying and teasing of others and some of our kids are experiencing their friends taking their lives!

Too soft? I think not! If anything I think our children are in crisis and who is going to change this around if every parent in the world thinks that they need more humiliation and desensitization?

I shared this story with a friend who is a very talented, very caring child and youth worker in the public school system and she said to me "and we wonder why we have a bullying epidemic".

Let me make this clear to you all. Children are not born 'bad' they are not born with behaviours we don't appreciate. They are born ready and willing to learn and guess who they are learning from? You guessed it! YOU! If a child chooses behaviours that are out of this world nasty they are doing it because it's been shown to them and/or there is a deeper reason for it. They are seeking something. Usually they are seeking acceptance and love from the people in their lives.

I would love to poll the parents who responded to that facebook article and ask them how many of them have loving, strong relationships with their parents. My guess is that very few of them do and even more, the reason would be that their parents shamed and humiliated them at some point in their lives and didn't accept and love them the way they needed.

I have taught children non-violent alternatives to bullying, peaceful thought practices for well over 10 years and everytime I see the light in these kids eyes turn on! When we empower our children they make choices that enhance their lives. When we degrade and humiliate our children they turn to other ways to get their needs met. Simple as that.

I can't imagine how that boy felt, standing there with his head hung in shame. I can't imagine the pain that he feels on a daily basis or how he is going to take that out on his future family or if he will even make it that far.

I think it's time we re-evaluate our positions as parents or the world is going to further into hell in a handbasket.

Magic Can Happen!

2012-01-07T20:20:00.000-05:00

What happens when you get three passionate, creative and super intelligent women together?

You get an AWESOMEness summit!

By now you've all heard about the upcoming Unleash Your Awesomeness Summit in Windsor on January 28, 2012.

I have dreamed for years of being part of something this spectacular and life changing.

And while I dreamed, I never once imagined that it would be changing my life in the process.

First of all, working with Heather Chauvin, Rosemary Heenan and Kelly Cowan has been empowering and inspiring to say the least.

When the four of us get together to brainstorm and create it's like magic.

In fact, just today my microphone wasn't working properly and so I had to type in my ideas through Skype and everytime I had something to say someone else in the group would automatically say exactly what it was that was going through my mind. So my end of the conversation was alot of smiley faces and 'lol's :)

If that's not magical I don't know what is.

Besides that, on a personal level, a project of this magnitude makes you reconsider yourself.

Stepping outside of your comfort zone and going where you never thought you could go before and finding out it's an abundant mountain of success is like being trained by a Jedi knight and fighting your first bad guy with your wicked mind powers!

Woohoo!

And soon we'll be releasing a pre-event video that brought both tears and laughter because I know from where we all come and I know where we are all headed. The video itself catches the essence of each of us, our passions, our internal worries and setbacks and what we wish for everyone who attends the event.

All I have to say is that the four women behind the Unleash Your AWESOMEness Summit are here on this planet to give you everything they've got. To steer you in the direction of your dreams and help you set sail on that journey. We're not leaving anything out of this event!

If you have to miss this event because you have a prior commitment, we understand. If you are free that day and you choose to miss it because you don't think you will benefit or you don't value yourself enough to attend. Well, that will be tragic.

If you want to purchase tickets and receive a FREE intuitive angel message from yours truly (valid until January 8 @ 11:59pm). Just visit our event page then send me a quick email letting me know you've purchased your ticket and I'll send you a personal intuitive message to your email address :)

I can't wait to see you!

Gotta love transformation!

2012-01-06T13:31:00.001-05:00

Every once in a while you experience a moment where divine truth travels from your head to your heart.

It's in this moment that your heart opens, your eyes water and you realize just how fabulous life really is.

That's what happened last week when I spent time with Heart Power Coach, Rosemary Heenan. I had booked a session with Rosemary a bit ago when I was in a very desperate place (I joked that she could probably have smelled the desperation in my email requesting an appointment).

Rosemary has a way of opening her heart to you and asking you just the right questions to get you living and breathing your truth.

Topic of discussion: Self worth and self love.

Since going through my style makeover the day before I was feeling pretty good, I was also sitting in a pool of reality that I really haven't been giving myself any credit for my work as a mother or participant in this game we call life.

Apparently, I'm great at supporting others in their quest to self love but put my own self love needs on the back burner for far too long.

Clarity flooded in when we really broke down the worth and value of being a mother.

You know the list of duties we perform each day for our families and the cost if someone outside the home were to have to provide services for these duties.

You see, my trouble is that there is no 'monetary' reward for stay at home mothering. Money pays the bills, money buys you nice things and gets you nice vacations.

What I had forgotten was the fact that I have been paid many times over in other ways. Most importantly, my children are wise, healthy, strong, confident, kind and fun! That feels as great as I'm imagining a million dollars to feel!

I was also hit with the 'aha' that there is never a time when the Universe isn't rewarding you for your hard work. There is an abundance of energy that is forever flowing into our lives. Even when we don't think it is, it is!

Though, I have always known this in my head (gosh, I've read enough books to know that by now!), I hadn't actually taken it into my heart as divine wisdom or a concept I was going to live by with every breath I took. To be honest, I knew it existed because I saw it for others but I didn't feel I was worthy of receiving that same abundance.

Silly girl!

I was fully aware in that moment of clarity that I had closed the door to receiving personal payment from the Universe (that stinky unworthy feeling again), I did become more deeply aware that the Universe still managed to find a way into my home and into my family, helping us to create a life that was magical without my awareness or my permission.

Huh.

That in itself was a tremendous breakthrough and I could feel this new realization, this divine truth travel from my head into my heart where it made itself comfy cozy. I could feel this energy tingle through my body and I just had to sit there and let it soak in.

Currently my body is processing all the changes I've made over the last few days by handing me a head cold and a feeling of whiplash in my neck and shoulders.

Transformation this deep weaves it's way through your entire body, mind and spirit.

When we live so deeply with our low self worth, the physical body responds to that low self worth through exhaustion, energetic vulnerability and illness. So it makes perfect sense that when you heal those damaging beliefs about yourself your physical body will respond to that healing, releasing old energy that no longer belongs in your body (aka sneezing, runny nose and the like).

PS - I wanted to ask you. What is it that you've been denying the Universe access to in your life? It's waiting there with a cornacopia of abundance and prosperity for anything you need. What belief are you holding onto that is keeping you from receiving?

Finding Jenn

2012-01-04T21:27:00.000-05:00

Last year around this time I was on a quest to find my true essence. My inner goddess.

To dress on the outside the way I feel on the inside. To speak my truth in my true voice. To march to the beat of my own drum...so to speak.

Somehow I got side tracked.

Motherhood will do that to you when your personal goal isn't as important to you as your children's well-being and happiness.

In fact, until today I hadn't really realized how far back I had left myself. How low my self-worth was.

On January 1 I made a promise to myself that I would do whatever it took to get back on my quest to find the real Jenn.

Today was the first step in doing that.

I hired my good friend and amazing 'Thrift Style Expert' Denise Rivait to come by and work her magic in my closet.

Denise is one of those women who has a natural sense of personal style. Everything I see her in is something that looks fabulous and she totally rocks it!

So it was an easy decision to make to have her come in and give me a hand in finding my true self.

I was not expecting to have my entire closet wiped out!

Okay, I did expect that. I knew it was coming, nothing I wear feels like me, it feels drab. As a 'stay-at-home-mom-preneur' I rarely spend good money on clothes, I wear what I have and make due until I can't stand it anymore, then I go shopping and buy whatever's in my path, just to bring it home and rarely wear it.

Seeing all of my clothes in the 'give away' pile was a sobering sight.

If all that I've purchased in the past is not right, how in the world am I going to make sure I bring in clothes to wear that are going to scream 'this is Jenn!' now?

I sat down and I cried.

Not a bad cry, but a good cry. A cry of realization that the adventure I was about to embark on was going to be one that would truly make me stand out. I was finally going to own and wear things that aligned with my essence.

I'd have to say the greatest part about today's experience was the shopping. Denise did a fabulous job of handing me item after item, stretching my imagination, ignoring my comfort zone and keeping me from the grey sweaters and comfy yoga pants...

We found some great deals, I walked through the mall with the biggest smile on my face and my heart filled with excitement for what this experience means for my future.

I am looking forward to tomorrow morning. I am excited about getting dressed and slipping on my new knee high boots and funky jacket instead of throwing on the jogging pants and sweatshirt.

Stay tuned...there's definitely more to come on this topic :)

If your life was a book....

2012-01-01T10:45:00.000-05:00

This morning I woke up looking for inspiration.

This is what I found.

http://www.ted.com/talks/amy_purdy_living_beyond_limits.html

I often find things that make me go 'hmmmm'.

Have you ever asked yourself the question that this speaker is asking?

If your life was a book and you were the author what would you want your story to look like?

It seems a simple question. But it is oh so powerful!

Think about all the books you have read. The fiction stories, the autobiographies, the comedies, the dramas, the self help stuff.

Those authors put those stories out there. How did those books change you?

Now I want you to take this a step further and think about your life as a book you have written. How will it affect others who 'read' it?

Everyone's story has the potential to inspire and motivate someone else in the world.

What if today you decided that you will conquer the thing that brings you the most fear? What if you decided that your story was no longer going to be about being the victim but instead being the hero? What if today you decided to take the first step in changing your lifestyle so that you were healthier and stronger? What if today you decided to do what your heart has always wanted to do but your brain has been talking you out of?

And what would making these decisions; changing your story, do for your life?

On this very first day of a brand new year. These are the things I am thinking about. Not resolutions, but story changers.

How about you?

Wouldn't it be great?

2011-12-28T10:38:00.000-05:00

Wouldn't it be great if you could sit around a table with people who you've experienced hurt with and laugh about it.

Wouldn't it be great if even after many years of not communicating, assuming the worst about eachother and digging into a fresh chapter of your 'story' you could sit and sip a latte and discuss with those people how utterly ridiculous it all was.

Wouldn't it be great if even though you have said things that you now wish you could take back and replace with something a little more intelligent you could pick up the phone and call that person and get a warm welcome.

Wouldn't it be great if we all didn't walk around with so much shame and guilt inside of us for past experiences that we could truly forgive ourselves and others?

When I think of world peace, this is the concept I think of. Wars in the world end when the wars in our personal worlds do.

With so much emotion and so much misunderstanding sometimes in our lives, as humans we still seek the only thing that has and ever will matter. Love. To love and to be loved. By everyone in our life. Even by those we don't always agree with, especially by those we don't always agree with.

It's simple really. Love doesn't require words, or gifts or even face to face apologies. Love only requires a willingness to be in eachothers presence so that it can be felt and understood.

I had a friend once that gave me the greatest gift she ever could give to me. That was the willingness to open her life to me again after we had parted ways in an unpleasant way. After not speaking for a year or so I sat behind her at a school function. The entire time my heart just kept opening up to her to the point where I just wanted to give her a big hug. I missed her presence in my life. After the function I went home and sent her an email (yes I chickened out of going straight to her front door, for fear she would slam it in my face and reject me - yes, I have rejection issues!) asking her to consider our friendship, she thought it over and came back to me with a 'yes'.

Our friendship wasn't the same as it was before. It was the fact that I could have tea with her again, or say hello in passing, or be in the same room and smile at eachother again that made all the difference to me.

When there is disconnect in a relationship it feels excruciating to me. It feels like a giant piece of myself is missing. I am a firm believer that not all relationships are meant to last, I believe wholeheartedly that we are all here to serve a purpose for eachother and then move on when the time comes. But moving on with love is very different than moving on with anger and hurt.

Because no matter what the situation, down the road when your eyes are clearer and your mind is more open things begin to make sense and your heart begins to forgive and reach out, and it is at that point that it would be nice to be able to express that and have it accepted.

Wouldn't that be great!

Something fishy....

2011-12-26T21:38:00.000-05:00

Last night we did our annual Christmas Day watching of The Sound of Music.

Somewhere in the middle of the movie my hubby turned to me and said "you want to be Maria don't you?"

Me: Of course I do!

Hubby: You could be a nun.

Me: No! I want to be an outspoken, free-spirited, play a guitar and dance around the mountains kind of Maria.

Hubby: I'm just saying you could totally be a nun. You've already had your kids.

By this point I have no idea where the heck this conversation is going but it is totally cracking me up!

Me: I knew it! You are trying to get rid of me so you can be with your girlfriend and start spending the money you've been putting aside in that Swiss bank account.

Hubby: No, I'm just saying if you want to be a nun, I will support you.

Something is fishy around these parts!

Today is a good day....

2011-12-26T13:00:00.000-05:00

Today is a good day.

And guess what?

I didn't have to do a thing to make it so!

It just is.

Isn't that great?

Now let's think about the alternative.

Today is a naturally good day and I could choose to be struggling to make it better than it is.

And in that struggle I would totally lose the sense of natural goodness and instead focus on all that is going wrong in my quest for even more 'good'.

Have you ever found yourself in a struggle to make something 'better than'?

I bet you have. It happens all the time, it's human nature to assume that if something just naturally is good then if we mix some control and manipulation and struggle into that we'll get something even more spectacular.

Wrong!

If there's anything this past month has taught me is that struggle is fruitless. It gets you nothing and nowhere.

It's best just to take the day for what it is and smile. Because good or bad, it's WAY better than what someone else may be experiencing.

And because I'm pretty sure it's a Universal Law that life is just naturally good, all by itself, all the time. It's the human mind that decides otherwise.

What have I got to lose?

2011-12-20T06:57:00.000-05:00

I've been asking myself this question alot lately.

When it comes to stepping out of my comfort zone and putting myself even further out into the world as a healer I find it's easier to step out as a small, insignificant Jenn. Not at all the Jenn I am, and not at all the Jenn I wish to be in this world.

Last week I met a woman I'd only spoken to online. She was so excited to finally meet me and I believe her exact words were "I can't believe I'm actually meeting you!"

Really?

But I'm just me. What's so great about that?

I think we can all relate to this inner conundrum. With the advancement of technology it's easier and easier for us to become who we want people to see us as, but it doesn't take away the fact that we are still human beings, struggling with our own shit and trying to feel confident about ourselves; completely and honestly confident.

I was flattered (of course who wouldn't be) by this woman's sentiment. She was so sweet!

And it prompted some deep questionning for me. Why do I not wake up everyday that excited to see myself? If someone else thinks I'm worthy of that adoration then why don't I? What have I got to lose by seeing myself as this spectacular, inspiring person instead of as the small, shy, insignificant girl?

The answer is......NOTHING!

None of us has anything to lose when it comes to stepping into the shoes that God sent us here to wear.

You know those shoes that are sitting in the box on a shelf in the back of your closet collecting dust.

Why don't we wear them? Why don't we willingly put those shoes on everyday and wear them proudly?

When I search my heart for an answer to those questions I find that the truth is I'm scared of someone not liking my shoes. That's ridiculous, right? And if I dig even deeper I see that it's me that I'm scared of. What if I LIKE who I am in those shoes? What if I totally ROCK those shoes (btw, I see my shoes as those ruby red ones from the Wizard of Oz, totally blinged out and hard to ignore)!

What if, what if, what if.

If I continue this way I may just 'what if' myself to death!

Anyway, the point is I think in honour of a new year fast approaching, we dig out those shoes, dust them off, shine them up and put them on! Wear who you are proudly because the world needs you to and more importantly because YOU need YOU to!

I can't wait to see what your shoes look like!

It's A Wonderful Life....

2011-12-16T13:27:00.000-05:00

Today has been one of those days when everywhere I look I see abundance.

Funny because yesterday (and the days before that) was one of those days where I was seeing anything BUT abundance.

I was lucky enough tthis morning to get a Shiatsu treatment from my good friend Erin. She helped my body release some pent up tension, anxiety and emotion. I've been way too hard on myself lately and my body was taking the brunt of it.

Then I was fortunate enough to be helped by the most generous gentleman over the phone as I tried to find a Christmas gift for my Mum in law. He made heads and tails of what I was trying to find and promised me he'd put something special together for her.

Not long after I hung up the phone from that call the door bell rang and there stood my neighbour with a plate filled with the most delicious looking baked goods! I almost cried as I hugged her tight and thanked her for her generosity (plus, I've had the biggest craving for sweets lately)! This is the same neighbour that gave my son (their paper boy) 2 Detroit Red Wing tickets for a Christmas gift!

Benjamin and I walked Sundae to the post office and back today. On the way home he ran ahead with her so she could get some energy out and watching the two of them run off filled me up with something I hadn't felt in a long time.

It felt like hope.

I don't know about you, but I think that feeling is just what this time of year should be about.

It isn't that this day is any different than any other day really. I didn't wake up in a spectacular mood, I didn't eat anything different for breakfast. It's just that today I opened my eyes to the beauty and blessings that life has to offer.

Those blessings are forever flowing, today is proof of that.

I posted on facebook the other day that if you are stuck in one moment, if you feel you aren't good enough in one moment, just hang in there until the next moment comes along. The next moment is the moment that will rock your world and blow your mind.

And today, it most certainly did!

The Pain of Growth Spurts

2011-12-15T08:50:00.000-05:00

Remember when you were a kid and you were going through a growth spurt?

Sometimes it felt like you didn't fit in your own skin. Sometimes your bones ached. Sometimes you found yourself falling over things, clumsy as an ox in a body that was growing so fast it took you a while to readjust your balance. And if you were a girl the pain of the breasts that were about to blossom was almost unbearable at times!

The truth is whether your growth spurt is physical, emotional or spiritual, they are sometimes painful.

I've been reminding myself of this fact over the last few weeks, as I am once again in the middle of a growth spurt.

I feel like I am visiting this space of internal questioning far too often anymore, like the train of change just keeps on moving and I barely have time to stop for a pee break and grab a snack!

I know I'm not alone. But at the same time it does feel lonely.

At one time or another we all come across this state of being where we feel like we are stuck in a rut. I prefer to think of this time as a much needed rest, or that my 'stuckness' is just a way to let life catch up to me :)

Whatever it is though, it just is. I can change it a bit through music and laughter, I can even shift some of the stagnant feelings with poetry and art but whatever needs to happen in this time is perfect and I just need to practice patience, as well as kindness towards myself.

My belief that I am everything I need to be in every moment keeps me from getting caught up in the craziness. I know that when this low is over (and it will be shortly) there is going to be a whole lot of high! And I will be more than ready for it :)

I Love Touchy Subjects.....

2011-12-09T09:45:00.000-05:00

I love touchy subjects, don't you?

I love them because of the uproar they cause. I love them because they tend to dredge up emotions that otherwise wouldn't be acknowledged. They go to the root of all hurt and pain and allow us the opportunity to take out a mirror and see exactly what this subject does to us.

The touchy subject of the day is Christmas.

Oh yes, you knew this was coming.

Personally, I am not a fan. I think it's WAY over rated.

Yes, I put up my tree and I trim it with decorations. I have even spent years making it a big deal for my kids because I like to be a hypocrite that way.

I also allow others to enjoy the holidays the way they wish to enjoy them. No matter what their cultural, religious background is, you won't hear me bad mouth other traditions. And you definitely won't hear me defend my 'right' as a Canadian to keep "Merry Christmas" in our language.

Right around the middle of November I start getting forwarded emails urging me to share the message that we as Canadians should not be forced to stop saying "Merry Christmas" because it might hurt the feelings of immigrants that have come to our country to live. That if they don't like it they can go back to their country.

I hate getting these emails. I never forward them and to be honest I question the integrity of the person sending them. It's hatred and bullying and it's disturbing.

Has everyone gone mad?

Let's review...

What is Christmas? What is the 'reason for the season'?

Christ was born (apparently... that's a whole other blog post).

What did Christ stand for? Love, compassion, equality for everyone.

What does Christ want for us? To love one another unconditionally, to embrace our differences and learn from eachother (I'm guessing here).

So if you are so hell bent on celebrating Christmas the way Christmas 'is meant to be celebrated' then I suggest doing away with the intolerant messages, stop centering people out because they won't conform to our culture and traditions.

Didn't we all learn how to play nice and get along in Kindergarten?

For me, it is the intention of the holiday that matters. If your heart is speaking "Merry Christmas" and is living in the space of love and acceptance that Christ taught, then what does it matter if we get to say it out loud? What does it matter if our kids get to sing proper Christmas carols in school or not. What does it matter if stores announce "holiday sales" instead of "Christmas sales"?

Personally, I see more people concerned about one upping last years gifts than they are about what the season really means. They have no problem pushing and shoving their way to the latest gadgets only to yell at the staff because they don't have the color they wanted.

Grow up people. Show your true Christmas spirit!

Unleash Your AWESOMEness Summit

2011-12-05T06:55:00.001-05:00

Unleash Your AWESOMEness!

Your AWESOMEness lives inside of you just waiting to be noticed and unleashed! This full day event will get your juices flowing and inspire you to live life in your naturally awesome way!

Join Jennifer Merritt, Heather Chauvin, Rosemary Heenan and Kelly Cowan for an unforgettable day of opening up to your natural you. Learn how to find your natural intuitive and healing gifts. How to bring positive energy and thoughts into your life and use them to change your life around. Learn how your true being lives in your heart and how to connect with that power!

This event is going to ROCK YOUR SOCKS and the changes you will see in yourself will amaze you!

Contact unleashyourawesomeness@gmail.com for ticket purchase or call Jennifer @ (519)903-2113

Natural Consequences... A Parents Best Friend

2011-12-05T06:34:00.000-05:00

How many times have you stepped into a situation to try and 'save' your child from natural consequences?

The fact is, this happens ALOT! This is a pandemic in the parenting world if you ask me.

It's what I like to call the 'my child is perfect' syndrome.

Parents intervening at school, blaming teachers for their child's behaviour. Going head to head with team coaches so that their kids get more play time in the game. Even going so far as to congratulate their children when they have hurt another.

What is wrong with us?!?!?!

We can all think of at least one adult in our life who was raised with this parental attitude. They don't take responsibility for their own behaviour, often times they have severe addictions, mommy and daddy are still helping them out financially (with little to no appreciation I might add), they blame and expect others to do their bidding in life. And they whine when life isn't handing them all that they desire on a silver platter.

Does this sound like the kind of adult you want your child to be?

What I have learned through the years is that life is a great teacher and motivator. One way it does this is through natural consequences. Natural consequences aren't about someone else stepping in and 'saving' someone from their behaviour. It's about nature itself taking care of what isn't balanced and sending a message.

We see it all the time as adults. Speeders get tickets (usually) or one day experience an accident (both are natural consequences). If you don't pay your taxes or mortgage you lose your house (a natural consequence), if you don't pay your utilities they get shut off (a natural consequence). If you don't show up at work you get fired (yet another natural consequence).

So how come we don't want our children to learn from natural consequences? Because they seem too harsh? Because we don't want to look like bad parents? Because it might cost us money?

If children were meant to be saved from all of the 'terrible' things out in the world that could possibly happen, they would've come with a giant plastic bubble.

The child who ignores curfew will one day be spoken to by police, have his name written down and will be driven home by said police (been there done that). If your child goes to a school dance drunk they will most likely kick him out or have the police called on them. If your child doesn't do his/her homework or show up to class they will fail or not get into the college/university of their dreams. If your child has unprotected sex, they will most likely (eventually) encounter a natural consequence to that as well.

As much as it is hard to step back and allow life to teach our children, it is much more rewarding to see them learning for themselves in a natural setting and to be honest forcing your child to learn a lesson YOU want him/her to learn is time consuming, stressful and does not make for a very productive relationship at all.

So next time your child refuses to learn your way. Allow life to step in and give him the lesson he truly needs.

Give it a shot. I'm guessing you have nothing to lose.

The Puppy Rules!

2011-12-01T07:40:00.000-05:00

If ever I needed proof that lack of sleep leads to craziness & depression, I've found it.

New puppy.

No sleep for 4 nights now.

Equals. Depressed feelings, depressed and crazy poems running through my head and a general lack of enthusiasm for anything that requires me to stand upright.

Just like back in the day when I was a new mom (eons ago!). I had this same feeling of disconnectedness, like I was in a bubble, nothing I did was right and I was a complete waste of the term mother because I couldn't seem to get my act together. I would cry when I was supposed to laugh and laugh when I was supposed to cry!

This new puppy has put me back into that same space of vulnerability. She has me checking out every YouTube video imaginable to see if I'm doing it 'right'. She has me second guessing my very strong intuition and she has single handedly (or pawedly?) turned our calm peaceful household into the land of the dead and cranky!

She's got the humans pitted against eachother and she is the CUTE AND CUDDLY master of deception! One minute we're biting eachothers heads off the next we're doing the "Oh cute little baby, whose the baby, yes you're the baby, goo goo gah gah" with her.

She has us wrapped I tell you!

I've always loved my sleep. I'm beginning to realize though how important sleep is for my mental health. Watching myself deteriorate little by little each day, hearing the voices in my head talk behind my back is making me nervous, you should hear the things they say! I'm one sleepless night away from becoming a crazy bag lady that talks to herself on the street (btw. If anyone knows where I can get a cheap grocery cart let me know).

I've never in my life looked so forward to three o'clock in the afternoon when the boys come home from school.

Watching them walk through the door is like taking the first bite of my favourite dessert, divine bliss runs through my blood knowing that there is someone in the house that can puppy sit while I take a little nap! A sweet, luxurious nap! Oh my!

And yes, before you ask she has a crate. That's what keeps her up all night! I spend the time listening to her barking and whining and imagine that she is saying 'get me the fuck out of this crate, stupid human. Can't you see that I am the ruler of this castle. Rulers must not be crated!" She says it in different tones and squeals to see which one gets the response. Usually it's the high, sharp bark that gets my attention, that one means 'business'!

I know sleep will return to us sooner than we expect and to be honest, she's an absolute doll, totally smart (like her mama used to be before sleep deprivation) and a fast learner. We couldn't be more happy that she's with us.

Sundae & Benjamin

Don't Change....

2011-11-29T14:22:00.001-05:00

So this title probably freaked you out a little.... Since I'm usually going on about how things change and you change and everybody changes and you need to suck it up and go with the flow.

This post is a little different though.

I find so many people forcing themselves to change because someone else wants them to be different and then becoming miserable with life because they don't know how to get back to where they were!

For instance; you can spot someone a mile away that looks like they are totally uncomfortable in that flashy new outfit that new boy/girlfriend loves on them. Doing something like this for someone we care about is a noble act, but does it make you feel more the way you want to feel?

I think we may do this because we don't trust ourselves and sometimes we have no sense of who WE are and what WE like or we question ourselves because maybe it doesn't fit the 'norm' mould that others would love to place us in.

Maybe you are a couch potato, video game playing, pyjama junkie and 'new person in your life' is a little more outgoing. Do you find yourself feeling guilty if you don't enjoy the social scene? Do you find yourself questioning who you are? What about criticizing or judging yourself because you'd rather be home cuddled up with hottest new XBOX release instead of out on the town stuffed into a 3 piece suit?

Of course it's not just new relationships and it's no big deal to go out once in a while to make someone's day. Some of us grew up with the sense that someone knew us better than we know ourselves. No matter what the scenerio, it happens to each of us at one time or another.

Heck, if it were up to the opinions of others I wouldn't still be blogging (especially that guy who once commented that my blog was a waste of space)! And I certainly wouldn't be pursuing my passions in healing and teaching!

I can totally see the appeal of giving someone else control of who we are and what we will become though. I mean if we don't know for ourselves then isn't someone else better off with that job?

I've had experience being someone who has given away that control, as well as one who has tried to change someone we love (haven't we all?).

I can't count how many times I've wanted change for a friend more badly than the friend wanted that change.

Or how many pairs of brand new, never been worn pants are hanging in my husbands closet from the times I insisted he try a different style than what he prefers.

It's important NOT to change just because someone would prefer it. It's important to not to give up your outspoken enthusiasm for life. It's important to not give up your personal style, love of the arts, creativity, authenticity and wisdom. It's important to dance to the beat of your own heart.

It's important to stand up for WHO YOU ARE!

Because if you don't you'll be robbing the planet of the incredible gift of the authentic YOU.

**Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it. Not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. ~ Buddha**

I have a virus....cough cough!

2011-11-24T12:03:00.000-05:00

Well, not the kind of virus you think I have. Not a physical body virus but the kind that is even BETTER! Even more time consuming, energy sucking and frustrating!

A computer virus!

GASP!

If there was ever a day when I wanted to totally revolt from technology today would be that day!

A call into 'AOL' Customer Support had me directly sent to a company who not only did not know how to help me change my email password (my only request btw). But proceeded to tap into my computer to 'help' me find what was wrong with it.

Well, imagine my shock when the tech showed me a screen that stated I had 501 viruses and 62,000 errors!

And why I didn't jump on the $299.99/year subscription to their top notch anti-virus protection program totally baffled her!

This is the point where my intuition started banging on the pots and pans to get my undivided attention.

I said to the girl "how do I know that screen you just showed me is my computer? How do I know that isn't the standard screen for the completely clueless so that you can wrangle them into your contract?"

No answer.

The call was redirected to another tech support person who tried the same pitch.

I hung up.

I just spent 3 hours on the phone with Customer Service India and still have yet to get a new AOL password.

SIGH!

Welcome to the age of technology.

Cough!

Life is a Blog Post

2011-11-23T20:40:00.000-05:00

Today was one of those amazing days that hands you a blog post on a platter.

My oldest son booked his G2 drive test for this morning.

Now in my 'cool Mom' way I hadn't been worried in the least about him getting to drive himself everywhere. In fact, I was pretty sure I welcomed it!

No more late night rides home for the girlfriend. No more having to get him to the show on time or pick him up from a friends house.

Doesn't that sound like blissful freedom?

I thought it did. Until from the inner depths of my Mom being came emotions I had no idea I owned.

And when did they decide to show up? Yep, that's right, on the way to his test appointment.

My intention was to stay as calm and cool as possible. The reality is the control freak from Mars was more than willing to rear her ugly head (again....cough) and somehow try to zap him back to being 5 years old and needing to hold my hand to cross the street.

Thankfully, I knew what was happening, so when he said to me "you are so worked up, what is your problem?" (with his usual 'oh my God I can't believe you are my mother' tone of voice) I knew how to explain myself instead of getting all worked up about it.

The truth is that no matter how much I think I have it all together, I'm still a mom. I'm still learning how to deal with these new experiences, my emotions surrounding them and the inevitable truth that he is one day no longer going to be living in my home getting my kisses goodnight.

This experience called me out! Had me on my knees begging to be spared the agony of seeing him drive off without me and having to endure the depth of motherly emotion I was not expecting!

Thankfully, God is on my side on this one and thinks he needs to stay under my protective wing for a bit longer because this attempt at his G2 was unsuccessful.

Whew!

Even prayers from oblivious Mothers are heard.

Always learning something

2011-11-22T08:58:00.000-05:00

There are so many wonderful perks to being a mentor to a young girl.

Of course one of them is spending one hour of quality time per week, painting, drawing, sculpting with play-doh, shooting hoops and playing board games. All of these things I don't slow down enough at home to enjoy. I love that I come home with glitter glue on my shirt sleeve or dried play-doh stuck to the bottom of my shoe.

And of course being a positive influence for a young girl, sharing one on one time, helping her to realize how special and important she is in this world feels amazing!

I was told by many that being a mentor would benefit the child immensely, but that it would change my life forever. I experienced that on the first day of meeting her, I felt so blessed to have the time and opportunity to be a positive influence to a young girl, and the sense that greater changes are to come hasn't lessened at all.

Being a mentor to this young lady puts me in a space of extreme responsibility. To myself. Watching her interact with her sister and other kids reminds me of when I was that age. Unsure of myself, quiet and accomodating.

A time when it wasn't odd to be called names, teased about my size and made to feel like a complete waste of earthly space.

When I see her reactions to certain people I can feel that emotion that lives inside of me. That still scared little girl. That little girl who is so afraid that someone will notice yet one more thing that is wrong with her. Who feels obligated to nurture and please others before she nurtures herself (if nurturing herself was even an idea to be entertained in the first place).

That little girl scared to say what she really feels, afraid to lose the affection and 'love' of the people around her.

The self abuse, self judgement and self criticism inflicted on this inner child has left scars so big I'm surprised they can't be seen by the rest of the world. Except, if I really honest about it, they can be seen if you're looking close enough.

They can be seen in the way I disconnect when I feel someone getting too close. I'd rather be alone than run the risk of failing someone and losing their love. They can be seen in my need to be perfect, maybe not so much in the cleanliness of my home anymore, but definitely in other areas of my life. These scars affect my weight and eating habits too.

This mentoring role seems to be shining a spotlight on the things I thought I had handled pretty nicely at the time, but that I'm finding I had just put into a closet and walked away from. It's helping me understand more deeply what makes me tick and how much more I need to forgive myself than anyone else.

So it's true. Becoming a mentor will most likely change my life more than it will change the child's life.

Because, it already has.

Topic of the Day

2011-11-17T08:29:00.000-05:00

The latest topic of conversation in our home has been all about stepping into your power aka "stop taking shit from other people and acting like a victim expecting someone else to fix things for you".

Hubby has been dealing with some workplace 'bullying' issues for the past 9 months or so. You know the drill, employees having a conversation and then stopping abruptly when you walk in the room, ignoring you when you speak to them, keeping vital information about the operation of the building from you, accusing you of coming on too strong when there is an issue at hand. Oh and my personal favourite screaming that you are a 'fucking asshole' then telling your manager that you are having difficulties at home to cover your sorry ass then never having to apologize for your behaviour.

Ahem. Sorry I get a little passionate about this subject.

Isn't all of this behaviour 'kindergarten 101'?

This behaviour isn't the real problem in my opinion.

The real problem is that hubby has decided that these people are right. That they know him better than he knows himself and that he isn't the capable leader he once thought he was.

When I ask him what he feels he needs to do to get back in the groove of things he answers "get my confidence back".

Wrong answer.

Doesn't the thought of 'getting your confidence back' seem a bit daunting? I mean, how do you actually do that in an environment that is breeding anger and resentment?

If you think you've 'lost your confidence' where you do you think it went and who do you think stole it from you?

Nope. No matter what situation you are in, your confidence, skills, natural born qualities have never disappeared. Fear has simply come in and thrown a sheet over it so that you can't see them temporarily.

I'm sure lots of people can relate to feeling just the way my hubby is feeling. So, what do you do about it?

Can you remember a time in your life when you felt alive, passionate and purposeful? I reminded my husband of the times he's spent starting up new treatment facilities. How did that feel? Did he question himself? What was the outcome? Was he respected for his role or was he degraded? Was it hard for him to step into this role and get the job done?

Then we went through the steps of what is happening now, what it feels like, how it differs from those moments of triumph and purpose. Has it been difficult to keep your mouth shut and let these people run all over you?

Now, if you could make a choice to be the person in the first scenerio or the second what would you choose without hesitation?

Of course, you'd choose #1. It's who you are! It's who you were put on this earth to be!

So maybe the key to changing your situation around is simply a choice to do so. No homework, no extra reading, no programs or training. Just a choice.

To Be or Not To Be..... THAT is the question!

And that fear that is masking your greatness? Well, it's just an illusion.

If he steps into his power what is the worst that can happen? He won't lose his job because apparently you can scream 'fucking asshole' to your superior and not get fired for it. So that's not a legitimate fear.

Your co-workers are already behaving as though you murdered their best friend and then set him on fire, so the fear of disconnecting from them is illegitimate as well.

And let's say he will need to find a new job, well there will be a new job waiting for him because the Universe gives to those who give empowerment to themselves without hesitation. That's how it works.

So to everyone on the planet who seems to be up against a brick wall, where there seems to be no support or 'easy way out', instead of worrying about it and wondering what you can do to change it. Just make a choice to be you (not the you others think you should be), the you that is magnificent and wise. The you that knows just what to do when you need to do it.

And above all remember this: You cannot live your life based on another persons emotional wellbeing. You cannot walk around doing and being the person that will least ruffle feathers. It just doesn't work and this world is in need of some feather ruffling.

Snapshot of my Life

2011-11-10T08:38:00.001-05:00

Every morning is basically the same around here.
I lay in bed until 7:10am and I can hear the teenagers winding down their school prepping.

That signals that it's safe to enter the kitchen (a moment too soon could put me in the middle of the "there's nothing to eat in this house" war).

I walk up the stairs, say my good mornings and remind Nathan that there are dishes piled in the sink that need his attention and Evan that there is a cat clawing at the patio door looking to be fed.

You'd think these things would be obvious, and that after months of these reminders they would become automatic, but I live in the land of testosterone. And I am convinced that testosterone causes blindness in men.

The occasional conversation about whether or not I'm willing to drive to Tecumseh to drop off a girlfriend that evening may ensue. Depending on what my answer is, I may have to put up with a little 17 year old whining. Which isn't totally unbearable since I know he can only stand there and whine so long before he needs to be out the door.

Evan usually is waiting by the door for his kiss and hug good-bye while these conversations take place.

I wonder if he minds being the middle kid?

It's not long after Evan takes off for the day that Nathan gets his things together and walks out the door.

If he wasn't happy with the way the conversation went earlier, I may get a moon shot at me as I wave good bye and wish him a happy day. Yep, it's gonna be a good day.

As much as getting mooned by your son in the morning isn't all that pleasant, this next part is even scarier.

I have to wake up Ben.

Ben hates mornings. Or I guess I should say he HATES mornings!

I pull down the covers from his head (he knows what's coming). Kiss him on the cheek and rub his hair.

I try to be gentle waking this one up. But no matter how sweet I sound, the words "Ben it's time to get up for school" always throw him into a fit of flailing limbs.

Usually, I can avoid getting a foot to the face. Other times I'm too slow (mostly because I'm just waking up myself) and I get caught in the chaos.

He manages to get dressed and move to the couch. Like clockwork I threaten to send him back to bed and call the school to tell them he won't be in.

I know you're all thinking that I have that one backwards, however this child will not miss school unless he is deathly ill. He thinks it's a crime to miss a day and just the thought of missing schoolwork and having to catch up makes his stomach turn. So as soon as I mention calling the school he is up and sharing his thoughts on my threat (that's a whole other blog post).

We get through breakfast and lunch prep relatively unharmed. This morning he spends his extra few moments plucking out a tune on his bass.

With each tick of the clock I know I'm getting closer to the time when my day really starts. The kitchen clean up, the bathroom wipe downs, laundry sorting and thoughts about dinner. Today life will throw in a Reiki client, a distant healing and a networking event to balance things out.

This is my life.

And I love it!

You are worth the effort of forgiveness

2011-11-09T09:05:00.000-05:00

How do you forgive?

A couple of nights ago I held a forgiveness meditation on the beach in my town. It was awesome!

I had a great group of people attend and you could feel the collective apprehension as they gathered and got cozy.

I could totally relate to their apprehension. Of course, we all want to forgive, but we've never been taught how and it's a bit scary to think about letting go.

I mean, if we let go of and forgive those we've been unwilling to forgive for so long, how will we feel? What will happen next? Will we survive without that story of unforgiveness?

These are definitely unchartered territories we are stepping into.

But, when the meditation was over I could see the physical changes in the way they moved and the brightness of their faces. There was excitement in their voices. Some were still very quiet, contemplating the enormity of what just happened or maybe trying to figure out how to maintain this place of peace.

The truth is, even the most stingy of people want to forgive. It's our natural state of being. We just don't know how.

Many people talk about forgiveness like it's no big deal. Just forgive and let it go. Let go and let God.

That's easier said than done.

Painful memories and hurt feelings keep us stuck in a cycle of unforgiveness. A cycle of victimhood.

When you don't forgive someone you say things like "So & so did this TO me and I will never forgive her" and "My parents were unavailable emotionally for me when I was a kid and that is why I am like this today".

Some people won't forgive because they think the wrong was so big and so bad that forgiveness is undeserved. There is a 'status' or 'label' put on the wrongs that we've encountered, some are worthy of forgiveness and some are not. To be honest with you, if you have a status system going for your forgiveness, you aren't in a forgiving space to even forgive the smallest of hurts. If you dig a little deeper you will find that you have never forgiven anything, you are harbouring experience after experience in your memory bank labelled 'unforgiven'.

When you don't forgive someone your body starts to show signs of wear, you become easily fatigued, distracted and frustrated.

Do you find that unforgiveness becomes easier and easier for you as you go on? When you feel you've been wronged, you don't give it a second thought. Unforgiveness just shows up as though it's the reasonable thing to do. It's what is 'deserved'?

This is because unforgiveness and victimhood are cumulative. They grow with each and every situation that you don't forgive or choose victimhood over empowerment.

I don't believe in snapping your fingers and "poof" forgiveness is found. I'm sure there are people who can accomplish this, I am not one of them.

For me, it helps if I spend time with the stories that have been playing over and over in my head. Getting acquainted with what I have been unconsciously telling myself gives me a perspective I might not have had before. Where did these stories come from? Are they true? Can I find compassion for those involved in the stories? If I can see things from a place of compassion and honesty then forgiveness streams in effortlessly, it just takes over and I find myself filling with love, empowerment and fulfillment.

There is extreme power in forgiveness.

How do you forgive?

It's a Girl Thing.....

2011-11-04T13:47:00.000-04:00

Okay... I'll give you fair warning. I am going to share too much information here... And it may get terribly disgusting I haven't decided yet.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I haven't been to my doctor in 3 years.

Can you see where I'm going with this?

I know the ladies will know JUST what I am talking about.

And if it hadn't been for hubby having a bum knee and needing to get it checked out, that little bit of information would still be a secret to my doctor.

But no.

As soon as the 'Merritt family' file is opened the cat is let out of the bag.

Because...I am WAY overdue for my pap smear.

And it seems my doctor wants nothing more than to get that job done. I've been hit with letters in the mail and phone messages asking me to call in to make an appointment.

Deep breath.

Personally, I feel pap smears are a violation of my right to keep my legs closed.

As I put it to my husband the other day "I don't even like spreading my legs for pleasure, let alone business!" (Thank goodness he's used to my melodrama, he did not take this personally).

There is of course a million reasons why women detest pap smears! They put you in the most vulnerable position you may ever see yourself in. Not even child birth compares to the feel of cold clamp thingees being fed into your cavity and then cranked to spread you open like a turkey being prepared for stuffing!

I used to make these yearly appointments as if someone had a gun to my head. Sweating profusely and stammering over words as I speak to the receptionist.

Then I lay on the bed with my knees spread in the air, I try to find my happy place before my mind starts wandering onto all of the horrific possibilities that could take place as I lay there open to the world.

Things like...what if someone pulls the fire alarm? Or......worse than death itself........gas!

Okay, okay I know there's the whole 'cancer' thing it's supposed to help detect. However, I'd like to meet the lovely being that decided that this was the only way to get that kind of information. Just like I'd like to shake the hand of the fellow that thinks squishing a breast between two metal plates until you almost pass out is the only way to detect breast cancer!

Notice I don't want to shake the hand of the fellow who invented pap smears....

I digress!

If we can get a man to the fucking moon, why can't we find an easier way to find 'private part' (I'm trying to be discreet...is it working?) cancer?

Another deep breath.

I'm sure that a yearly pap test is pretty much a walk in the park compared to the possible result of not finding cancer in time, but right now I just can't see the possibility, I'm too busy trying to find a body double to take my place.

Giving it up

2011-11-03T09:02:00.001-04:00

Have you ever had a moment when you wanted to give it all up? Not a suicidal moment, in fact not a thinking moment at all. Not a negative experience, just a real experience.  A moment where it seems nothing is real and if you woke up tomorrow and it was all gone you would feel relieved?

I had one of those moments yesterday. It was a split second visual of life up to this point flashing before my eyes and my brain wondering what it's all been for and my heart totally reaction-less.

It was strange and surreal and.......strange.

Strange mostly because this is not how I normally feel at all about my life.  So (of course) I questioned the validity of the moment. Where did it come from? Why did it exist at all? What purpose does it serve? Is it something I need to look more carefully at? Was it fear? Would I really be relieved if it were all gone tomorrow?

Honestly, I answered yes to that last question.

Maybe it's my addiction to the tv show 'House Hunters International'. Seeing all those people give it all up to move to a remote location and live their dream life is SO appealling to me. I feel like I could literally go with one suitcase and start a fresh life.

As strange as the moment was. It definitely felt like I instantly became clear about the concept of nothingness.

Nothing exists and yet we put so much emphasis on that nothing that it becomes something we are attached to and cannot live without. We become emotional about it. It stresses us out and causes us to behave in ways that we cannot explain.

So, how do I feel today? The same. The remnants of that moment are lingering, twisting and floating in my mind and body. I'm not questioning it anymore though, I feel like it's a piece of wisdom that is living inside of me. There's nothing for me to do. There's nothing for me to need. I am here and that is all.

This wisdom has most likely always been living inside of me, it's only now I know it's there.

Being the Change

2011-10-31T08:23:00.001-04:00

This is the Halloween that I decide to stand in my truth.

I will not be handing out Halloween treats at the door.

My lights will be off.

I have become the old woman on the street that doesn't want anyone to bother her.

BOO!

Honestly though, this decision has been years in the making. And it's only now that I feel confident enough in my choice to actually pull it off.

Interesting huh? It's just candy! What's the big deal?

Like most things there is a ton of pressure put on people to go along with the status quo, spend your child's college education savings on over-processed treats filled with enough toxins that the children of the world will be spinning in and out of sugar induced control for days, weeks even MONTHS!

Not to mention the fear of having my house egged and my trees toilet papered. Do kids still do that to the cheapos that don't hand out candy?

There are so many kids challenged by weight and food sensitivity issues. Why are we still indulging in this 'tradition'? And is there another way to continue with the fun of halloween without suppressing our immune systems at the same time?

I wonder how much money is made by these companies every year throughout the various holidays?

I bet it's enough money to feed an entire starving country!

That same starving country that I heard Westerners were sending their candy too last year!!!

Oh My God!!! What are we thinking?

All of this has been swirling around in my mind over the past month.

And when my husband questioned my sanity last night with raised eyebrows and "you're REALLY not handing out candy this year?" I realized just how important this decision is for me.

It's time to BE the change I want to see in the world (and if not the world, at least in my house) and being the change means taking one small step in the direction of that change. Even if the step is as small as not participating in the process of keeping our children stuck in their health challenges.

Just an Observation

2011-10-29T15:45:00.000-04:00

What if for one day you decided to just observe your life. You know, stand off to the side of everything that is happening and simply watch it like a movie (or the Survivor series).

This thought has been coming up for me a lot lately.

Why not just observe what is happening instead of letting myself get sucked into the emotional drama of the situation? Why not just let whatever is happening happen without placing a label of 'good' or 'bad' on top of it?

It's like taking the next step in your journey to 'go with the flow'.

To be able to observe rather than judge takes the pressure and stress out of life.

And it may be easier said than done. Especially for fellow drama junkies out there, but it is still definitely doable with a little practice and patience.

For instance. Last week while I was taking some time to meditate I found my mind wandering (as usual) and I would quietly put the random crazy thoughts aside. I did this over and over and over again until finally (after about an hour!) my mind just fell silent.

It felt a little like putting cranky babies to sleep and then tip toeing around them so they didn't reawaken :)

Going with the flow and becoming the observer in your life takes the same calm, gentle commitment it does to send your thoughts away during meditation.

Imagine being able to connect with the moment that a simple, neutral situation (they are all simple & neutral by the way) becomes an emotion filled drama fit for the big screen.

This past week I had a couple of those simple, neutral situations come up and my mind wasted no time at all turning them into murder mysteries and high speed chases! I didn't stop to question the labelling and judging until it was too late, they had already been developed and they were having an effect on my physical and mental well-being.

The truth is this happens to all of us, all the time. Unless you are a monk sitting atop a mountain in total alonedom (like a kingdom but more alone, you get the picture) you are going to have drama and your mind is going to want to give you something to talk about around the water cooler at work tomorrow.

The trick is just becoming more aware of what this drama does to your body and your life. Asking yourself "is this worth it?" "what am I getting out of this drama?" may help you to realize that it's all a ridiculous ploy to create a worthwhile story that you will tell for days and days until something new comes along.

Today, I'm making a commitment to myself to become the observer more often. I want to reduce the amount of tension my muscles are holding onto. I want to reduce the amount of time I waste telling and retelling a story that if I think long and hard about it, has no content and expends a whole lot of energy for nothing.

It's time to remind myself that I am the captain of this ship and we'll be having no more of this mindless nonsense.

Feel free to join me.

A New Friend

2011-10-21T08:31:00.000-04:00

I've been looking for a volunteer opportunity for 2 years now. I wanted something that fit my schedule, fit my personality and fit my purpose in life.

So, when I found a kijiji ad in June advertising for the Big Brothers Big Sisters In School Mentoring program I felt like I finally found what I was looking for.

The more I spent time learning about the program and learning how to be an in school mentor, the more excited about this program I got!

Granted, I didn't think one hour per week was all that big of a deal. How much of an influence can you be in that small amount of time.

I was assured by the coordinators and by a friend of mine that one hour a week makes a huge difference in the life of a child who may not get any one on one time with a caring adult. I guess I'd have to take their word for it.

It was all I could do not to go crazy waiting for 'the call'. You know the one, where you are told who your match is and what school you'll be in and all the deets on the fabulous little person you'll be sharing one on one time with for the year (and maybe years).

The feeling is not unlike waiting for a child to be born. Will it be a girl or a boy? The anticipation feels fun and even adventurous somehow.

I have been excited since day one of this experience, so this past Monday when I finally got to meet my match I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the opportunity to make an impact in this child's life.

Would she like me? Would she think my hair (or lack thereof) was strange? Would she trade me in for a different mentor? ACK!!!!

The good news. I think she's gonna keep me! We had a great first day, we colored pictures for eachother, I gave her a rock in the shape of a heart that I found on the beach during a trip to Erieau that she can keep in her pocket for 'good luck', we played 'TROUBLE' at which I totally sucked, even when she tried to fumble the game so I could win at least once, I still lost AND she loved that! And I loved that too. To see her smile and reassure me that I'll get better the more I play.

The truth? She mentored me that morning. She took me under her wing and befriended me. And I left feeling elated, like I had gained a valuable new friend.

I can hardly wait until next week to do it all again.

I Pinky Swear

2011-10-20T16:20:00.000-04:00

Just before we were leaving for our last trip to the cottage I was feeling completely worn out. I felt like I had been running on a hamster wheel and getting nowhere in life and in business. I was at my wits end, frustrated and not gaining any clarity of which end was up.

As I sat on the dock overlooking the lake one bright sunny day, I contemplated why it was that I was feeling the way I was.

What could I do to change my situation and bring the fun and excitement back into my life.

I sensed that I wasn't completely off track, that the fun, passion and excitement was still within reach but somehow I had just allowed something else to get in the way of me seeing it.

It was in that moment that I realized I had been controlling every move I made over the past few months. And in that controlling space I was feeling more and more disconnected to the way I truly love to live. The control didn't make me feel fulfilled or purposeful, it just made me feel frustrated and tired all of the time.

So in that moment I decided to shift my perspective, I wiped my tears from my face, took a deep breath and pinky swore to God that I would stop controlling everything and just let life happen.

Yes, you heard me correctly. I pinky swore God....

I looked up at the sky, envisioned a large cloud hand coming down with it's pinky finger stuck out and I saw myself reach up to connect pinky's and affirmed that I was willing to relinquish control over to the one who knows what is best for me.

FYI: God LOVES pinky swearing!!!

Since I've been back I've had some amazing 'AHA' moments, creativity has been flowing like water from a tap and I'm feeling energized, renewed and on purpose.

I have had some moments of wanting to step into the control room again (it's habit, what can I say) and it's not long into that moment that God reminds me of my commitment. He flashes that pinky swear moment in my mind and I have no choice but to back off and allow life to unfold before my eyes.

Yep, God loves a good pinky swear.

If You Can't Trust Yourself.......

2011-10-17T09:06:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning with this thought in my head.

"If you can't trust yourself....who can you trust?"

I can't tell you how many times I have been questioned because I made a decision based on my gut instincts. People don't like it when you trust yourself more than you trust them.

I've had even more moments where I've regretted NOT following my gut instincts and going along with the status quo.

This early morning thought got me digging a little deeper.

For instance, how many people are out there walking around with no trust in themselves. Who have no idea that their stomach is turning because it's trying to tell them something really important or that the reason why they get a massive headache everytime they are in certain situations is because they'd be better off avoiding such people, places and things.

My favourite are those that see a psychic every other month to get 'direction'.

**disclaimer: I am not, nor have I ever been against psychic readings, I love them, I have had 3 in my lifetime and they have all been amazingly accurate. I think it's great that we can get some guidance when we are at our wits end and cannot seem to get our head on straight **

I view outsourced intuitive guidance as a road map to use when you are so lost you can't even find your way back to the main road. To over use this service is to negate your own inner wisdom (that same wisdom that a psychic taps into when giving you your reading!)

So let me ask you this question. If you don't trust yourself enough to ask yourself the tough questions, how much can you really trust that person across the table from you telling you that soon you will meet Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome, get married and have 5 kids before May of 2013?

Seriously?

You're probably laughing right now, but this happens ALL the time! And the part that is so frustrating is to watch someone you care for walk around living their lives based on what that intuitive told them would happen! YIKES!

Wouldn't it feel better when at the end of the day you could say to yourself "hey, you listened to your gut instinct about that issue and look how great that turned out". And wouldn't it feel even better if you weren't always questionning how life unfolds because it's not what the tarot cards told you?

I'm just saying.... If you are trusting someone else more than your trusting yourself then your in for some disappointing times.

Transformation is a sneaky bugger!

2011-10-15T23:27:00.000-04:00

If you were to ask me how I got to where I am I wouldn't have an answer for you.

And to be even more honest, there are multiple days when I wish I would've written some of the stuff I've done down, so I could give someone a bit of a heads up.

But I didn't. And I can't.

And while we're on the honest train, I don't really think that having written it down chronologically would have helped anyone anyway. Transformation takes time. And it happens in your own individual time, in your own individual way.

My transformation probably doesn't look like the next guys because it was made just for little old me.

I've tried over the years to rush my transformation. There have been many times when I could feel something new coming around the bend and wanting it so badly and wishing that it would just hurry up and get here only to have it take FOREVER to arrive!

(don't you just love run on sentences)

I have an aversion to patience and so I am often found rushing my progress in business and personal relationships as well. Just to end up totally spent with nothing more to give to anyone or anything.

I find lately that those moments of exhaustion are coming more and more quickly. It used to take months to catch up to me and now it seems like all I need to do is spend a couple of hours giving too much of my energy to rushing something and I BAM I'm on the couch because my body refuses to move forward.

It hit me the other day as I contemplated how hard I have been pushing myself to 'get somewhere' that my path has already been laid for me. This is a belief I have held for many years (though sometimes the screams of 'should' are louder than my beliefs). That everything that I have ever experienced up until this point has prepared me for this moment, just as this moment will prepare me for the next (and so on, you get the picture). So, is it really necessary for me to 'bust my nuts' over something? Does it really matter whether or not my website is kickass or not? Does it really matter that I have no idea where I am heading or where I will be in the next month or so?

No. None of it matters.

I look at my husband and his career. He has seemingly effortlessly risen up the ladder of his profession, has earned the respect of his peers and is constantly being asked to take positions with other companies because they would love to have his expertise on their team! All he has done (and I say 'all' as if it's not important, but it is really important) is be himself and embrace the passion he has for what he does.

So as far as transformation goes, I think it's a go with the flow kind of process. That if you are resisting then your transformation is going to come along slowly, like walking through a muddy bog. But if you are open and trust the flow and the pace at which life is handing you opportunities then things are going to come along nicely. Maybe not as quickly as you would like (if you are allergic to patience like I am), but it will come along none the less, because it has to. Life is designed to move, shift and change constantly.

Unless you are chained to a brick wall your whole life you will transform and it will be amazing and one day when someone asks you how you got there you aren't gonna have an answer for them because transformation is sneaky that way :)

Releasing Responsibility

2011-10-15T23:04:00.000-04:00

I want to share a quote I found recently. This quote sums up how I pretty much feel about my parenting style.

"Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon them and to let them know that you trust them." ~ Booker T. Washington

A few years ago you would have found me full of anxiety over my parenting skills.

Back then I used to hang onto every little thing. I had control over everything and I didn't give responsibility to anyone in my household. No one could do laundry or dishes quite like I could. I used to parent based on what others thought was best for my kids, not what I thought was best for them and I was always afraid of what someone might say if my kids weren't dressed just right!

No wonder I was in full panic mode most of the time!

This quote reminds me of our recent trip to the cottage. Our older two sons (17 & 14) are both working and of course in school. They weren't too keen on taking a trip and missing out on work opportunities (our oldest son has just started his first job and so didn't want to take time off) and so we opted to leave them behind.

We opted to give them responsibility and trust them for the nine days that we would be away.

I was more emotional about not having them with me than I was about leaving them to their own devices for nine days.

They did great. They got along well, they didn't starve and the house didn't burn down. Their time without parental supervision was a success. Who'd have thunk it?

What I would have missed as a parent had we not given them that opportunity, was to see just how responsible and capable they are. Handing over responsibility to your child shows you just how well you have parented them up until this point. It's like a parenting report card.

If you are one of those parents who doesn't allow your child to do anything without your supervision, you are missing out big time! Not only do you not know how well your child will cope in a situation where you are not with them to make their decisions for them, but you are missing an opportunity to show your child just how much you trust their judgement. You are missing an opportunity to empower your child!

Ahem. This goes for all you parents of adult children as well.

Granted you are not going to leave your eight year old home alone for nine days. But there are things you can do for your younger children that will empower them. It was always helpful in our house to let the boys dress themselves the way they like, pack their lunches the way they like and (as much as it pained my control freak ways) to let them do their chores the way they would like.

Trust me, letting go a little bit now when your kids are younger makes it WAY easier to get into the passenger seat with them when they are working on getting their drivers license!

So, do your kids a favour, heck do everyone in your life a favour; give over responsibility to those you have been withholding it from and then trust that all is well.

Verify the verification for me PLEASE!

2011-10-02T22:31:00.000-04:00

Could someone PLEASE tell me what is the exact purpose of those 'word verifications' you get when you want to post a comment on a blog?

And why is it that when you type in what you think you see as that word, you get the error message that in fact that was not the word that was shown and you need to 'try again'.

Really?

How is one supposed to know that the small 'l' and the 'n' that were placed so closely together, were not in fact an 'h'?

And what about when they put those letters in cock-eyed positions? Why would they do that?

This has been something I've been wondering about for quite some time. It's annoying (I'm clearly easily annoyed).

Maybe I'm dyslexic!

What other explanation could there be for not getting those squished up, cock-eyed words right?

Or maybe the guy who makes up those stinking words is dyslexic and the company that hired him haven't noticed yet.

Yah, my money's on door #2.

There's Kryptonite in my underpants!

2011-09-29T20:38:00.001-04:00

This has been ONE OF THOSE WEEKS!!!

No, my house isn't floating down my street and my basement hasn't flooded (knock on wood).

No, I'm not starving and neither are my children.

And no, I haven't lost my job (I might if I actually had one though).

I have a great life really.

But there are weeks when it feels like my arch nemesis has dropped kryptonite down my pants. Confused? You'll need to read my last blog post. And this has definitely been one of them.

Okay, maybe kryptonite in my underpants is a little extreme, but I'm trying to get a point across here....

Seriously, I feel like all my super human powers that I possessed just weeks ago have been annihilated by the one thing that weakens my defenses... Self doubt!

Self doubt is my kryptonite. It makes me forget who I am, makes me lose focus and clouds my judgement.

Self doubt totally sucks and I've noticed it's getting way more sly than it ever used to be. Sneaking up on you wearing that invisible cloak until BAM! it knocks you out!

I'm working on mixing some special ingredients to reverse the effects of self doubt.

If I mix in just the right amount of quiet 'just for me' time with a handful of talking with a trusted friend. Throw in a bit of doing something good for someone else and wham bam thank you ma'am you've got a recipe for disabling the self doubt kryptonite.

PS - my cape is STILL in the laundry.

My cape is in the laundry....

2011-09-27T14:39:00.000-04:00

Today is one of those days...

You know the kind where the to-do list is longer than your arm, you don't know where to start and you wish you could just tear that damned list up and forget it even existed.

After putting my list together this morning, the thought crossed my mind that I was insane (this is not the first time that thought has crossed my mind btw).

The President of the USA probably doesn't have a list as long as mine! Even the most successful people in the world take time for breakfast. Why do I feel I can't? The Pope, with all he has on his hands takes time for tea, prayer and reflection each day. What makes me think I can or should get all of this done in one day?!?!

Where is it written in the Mom manual that I must beat myself up for being human and needing sleep? Oh yah right, there isn't a Mom manual!

But those silly voices in my head keep telling me I'll be nothing, worthless, a big old nobody if I don't do the things I need to do on that list, if I don't take immediate action I won't get anywhere in life.

So I did what any other self respecting woman would do.

I told the voices that the dog ate my list. Then I took a nap.

Besides. I can't save the world today.

My cape is in the laundry.

Finding compassion in parenting....

2011-09-19T22:05:00.001-04:00

At what point in your relationship with your child do you think you'll let go?

Why am I asking this?

Well, I've noticed that some parents are completely obsessed with controling their children's every move. To the point where most children still live at home at 30 and most parents are complaining about that!

For me, wanting to control the lives of my children began very early. Like pre-birth early.

My children were all very late coming into this world. Their late arrivals prompted induction. Many, many, many inductions. In fact, it took my middle son 3 days of inductions to decide to arrive (he's also the one that doesn't comprehend the idea of curfews or the meaning of the word 'now').

I kind of always had this visual of each of them holding on for dear lives inside my womb, screaming "No, no, no I won't leave the comfort of this place to go out into that hellish world!"

*cough* Anyway....

Not long ago my husband and I were discussing the fact that our oldest son had no desire to find himself a job. I had made the comment that maybe he just wasn't ready for a job, maybe he had maturing to do and no matter how much anger, frustration and nagging we put into our pleas for him to find a job, he wasn't going to magically become ready.

This comment reminded me of the boys 'late arrivals' and that thought brought me to this blog post.

The idea that we can control, manipulate and rush our children into the people we want them to be, is absurd. Tell me; has there been anything in your life you have been able to successfully rush, manipulate and control? Notice I said 'successfully'.

Controlling them to the point where they are living the lives we want them to live is absolutely ridiculous. And didn't work for parents of earlier generations either.

The truth is we cannot control our kids. And when we try to control them all we get is stress, tension, frustration, etc., etc., etc.

Our kids (believe it or not) have their own life purposes, they have souls and personal journeys to accomplish and experience. Not unlike ourselves (wink).

This isn't a new phenomenon. Parents have been trying to control the outcome of their children's lives for a gazillion years! Maybe even more! It's time to stop parenting the way the cave men did. It's time we parents put a new spin on things.

So, how do we stop, look and listen to our kids? How do we begin to allow ourselves to loosen the death grip and let our kids go and grow and still maintain our sanity?

Personally, I find it helpful to remind myself of the anxiety of adolescence that I felt myself as a young girl (and back then we didn't have all this online social media shit to deal with, just good old fashioned face to face). I remind myself of my own uncertainty even now as an adult trying to make her way through life.

If you want to connect on a deeper level with your child, if you want to build a great relationship where they actually come to you to talk about their challenges and fears you need to do one thing and one thing only.

Remind yourself of what it is like to be a child, an adolescent or a teen in a world so big, so scary and so intimidating. Just remind yourself. The remembering is where compassion lives and our children need our compassion not our control.

Hair Razing......

2011-09-19T14:34:00.000-04:00

This won't come as a big shock to anyone who knows me well...

I shaved my head today...

Well, the guy thought it would be best to not shave the whole thing and try to get somewhat of a style out of it (chicken) and so I have sort of a mohawk thing going on...

But still.... It feels Fucking Fantastic! Liberating! Empowering! Kick Ass Awesome!

I've been feeling the need to shave my head for about a month now, the urge just kept getting stronger and stronger until today when the urge had me hunting down cheap hair salons just to get the job done!

All the way home from my morning appointment I found myself wanting to turn into each salon that I passed until I finally settled on one close to home.

The hair thing is symbolic of the transformation I've been going through.

I have outgrown the person I used to be. Worried about hair color and style. Always looking for something new to make me feel better about myself.

I can honestly say I feel free! Free of obligation to do something with that regrowth that won't go away without a little chemical dependency!

Free of obligation to style and fuss over the top of my head to the point where I am too exhausted to worry about the rest of my appearance!

Free of worry whether or not the rain and wind will ruin my hard work once I have completed!

Freedom; plain and simple.

Did you think I wasn't going to show you?

A little side view shot for you...

You get what you need!

2011-09-18T11:22:00.000-04:00

I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

But someone's gotta do it!

To those of you who are experiencing so much flux in your life. Relationships in crisis. Finances in ruins. Children running amok, etc. etc. etc. You've asked for it.

Ouch!

Now, I'm not really that big into 'law of attraction' stuff, I don't believe that just because you have a negative thought something negative is going to come of it.

What I have noticed though, in those who seem to be in chaos and crisis mode right now (and what I've noticed in my own life as well) is that what is coming about right now is an accumulation of negative thoughts, not just last weeks thoughts, but last years and the year before that and the year before that.

Yikes!

I don't know about you but I've thought and said some pretty negative/damaging things over the past years and yes I can see all of that creeping up and showing itself to me now in fits and spurts. I do understand where they are coming from and thankfully I've learned some tools on how not to let these things bring me back to that negativity. One of them is staying in the present moment.

I think it's extremely important to recognize where it was we may have asked for what we are currently receiving/experiencing. I'm kicking myself now for not knowing this before or I'd have been asking for a million dollars all those years ago! For those of you that had the foresight to do that, I commend and congratulate you on a job well done (can we do lunch?).

Anyway, I have a theory on all of this "past thought haunting" that happens to all of us. I believe that as we grow and mature and realize our personal responsibility to ourselves, these past thought accumulations come into our lives at beautifully timed intervals to help us hone our responsibility skills even further. It's not necessarily the Universe sending us 'tests', it's our own thoughts coming back to us.

Here's one: If your child has been giving you a run for your money since he was 2 and all your thought energy (and what you tell everyone around you) is put into "He's such a handful, he never stops, he's going to be the death of me, etc." then what you are going to experience when that child is 10, 14, 18 is exactly what you have been thinking about him since day one!

Here's another one: If your marriage (relationship, career) has entered a rocky area and that's all you can think about even when you have surpassed the rocky area and are doing well, and all you do is talk about 'when so & so did this or when so & so did that" a hundred and one years ago, then guess what? Yep, you guessed it, your marriage (relationship or career) is going to deteriorate little by little until one day it just doesn't exist anymore.

This one reminds me of a guy I knew who worked for one of the big 3 automotive companies years ago. Nothing this guy ever said about his job, the pay and the company was nice, not one grateful or appreciative comment. Then one day (as well all know) these companies started laying off their employees because of decline in auto sales. This guy went berserk! How dare they lay him off, didn't they know he worked for them for 20 years, didn't they know he was a committed employee, blah blah blah!

I couldn't help but say to him "Isn't this better than working for them? Aren't they doing you a favour? You seemed miserable working there, nothing they did was right. What's the problem?"

Needless to say he didn't like me pointing out the obvious.

Here's what we need to remember about life. Negative attitudes and people bashing don't get us what we want, they get us what we need. And sometimes what we need is a kick in the ass to get us on the right track.

From my perspective, all of his thoughts and words acted like a prayer "please, please, please get me out of this miserable job that doesn't pay enough, that I hate, that I despise going into every morning"!

And the Universe responded to that prayer.

It wasn't his version of what he wanted (suddenly the crappy pay was better than the alternative which was NO pay). But it was what he needed.

So my advice to you. When your faced with a situation like the ones mentioned above (or any of the other gazillion experiences we can have) take a moment to see where you might have asked for what you are experiencing.

And if you can feel this kind of situation arising (and trust me we can all sense when the shit is about to hit the fan), do something about it. You still have time to change what happens. You can do this by thinking loving thoughts and praying a new prayer. Change your attitude, put a smile on, do a happy dance.

Or accept what happens, learn from it and move on but don't make it part of who you are, don't let it establish another 10 years of unhappy thoughts and unappreciative words...

Because guess what you can expect then?

Inspired living!

2011-09-17T17:10:00.001-04:00

There are many times when we have a burning desire to do something and then in the next instant we have an extinguishing fear of doing it.

Suddenly a list of all the reasons why we cannot accomplish that burning desire begins to surface.

I've spent the past couple of months in the 'extinguishing fear' part.

What is my burning desire? To educate and mentor parents who want to have a stronger, more open and respectful relationship with their adolescent/teen.

The extinguishing fear? I am not a perfect parent. I yell sometimes, I am unreasonable sometimes. I am not perfect.

And in my mind, only perfect parents can educate other parents.

Ha!

The other day I heard myself say "I want to educate and mentor parents while I am still in the mode of parenting. I don't want to wait until I am 65 and my kids are grown to do this, I want to do it now while I am still learning and still 'doing' the parenting thing".

I want to do this so that I can stand beside each and every struggling parent who has woken up one day to stare down a kid they have no idea how to relate to; and help them adjust, help them find a way to relate to them.

At 14 my son was out of control. Anger, violence, disrespect and threats were part of our everyday. So much so that he spent more time at a friends house than he did at home because I just couldn't handle it.

People would tell me to get used to it and that it wouldn't end until he was 21!

I remember feeling dazed and confused. How in the hell was I going to get through this all the while thinking "oh my goodness, I have 2 more as well!"

Cut to today. My 17 year old (not 21) is loving, caring and kind. There are no more threats, no more violence, no more anger. When I get upset he talks to me rationally. When he gets upset I talk to him rationally.

I have a 14 year old as well and he hasn't exhibited any of the 'expected' teenager 'symptoms'.

Oh yes, we still get eye rolls and we still get "I'll do it later" when they are asked to do something.

But, I have turned my family's life around. I have done that. I did not access a perfect parent, I learned on my own, I did the work on my own and I did this for my family.

And I know I can do it for many others as well!

So those extinguishing fears are getting kicked to the curb!

If you have a burning desire to do something. Just do it!

Life is meant for the living, not for those that think about living!

One last thing. You feel a burning desire when you are meant to do something fabulous. Burning desires don't come around every day you know. So take action! Take that burning desire and fly! The world will thank you for it later!

A little faith

2011-09-12T08:30:00.000-04:00

There is nothing that wastes the body like worry, and one who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever. ~ Mohandas Gandhi

I am a quote-a-holic.

Quotes perk me up the way little blue pills................well......you get the picture.

The above quote is a great reminder for me today.

I didn't sleep well last night at all. My dreams were all over the place (as they have been for quite some time now) and I found myself in that crazy place where you are aware that you are dreaming and you want to do something about what you are seeing but you can't because you are really asleep....

So all night it felt like I was trying to put out fires, or at least create a change in what was happening only to find that I could make no difference at all. I woke up feeling helpless and hopeless, insignificant.

And then I found this quote this morning. Aha!

Last nights crazy dream situation reflects how I've been feeling in my waking hours these days. I can see relationships ending and circumstances in my life changing (drastically!) and even though this is all familiar territory, I have been worrying about it incessantly! Trying to find the logical explanation (is there one?) and trying to find a solution that keeps everything fine and dandy.

If I'm being honest with myself, I have no control over any of this, whatsoever! I didn't put these balls into motion, they just started rolling and here I am on the sidelines watching it happen feeling hopeless, helpless and insignificant.

That's my real problem. I've expected myself to know what to do and to fix it. I've had no faith in the flow of life and I'm exhausted from trying to keep up! There's a picture. I'm trying to keep up with God's plans for me instead of allowing that energy to lift me up to the place I need to be. It inevitably always does!

Last night I went to bed looking forward to the sun rising. And now I know why. Somewhere in my being I knew that clarity would come by sunrise. And it did.

Today I have the opportunity to let go. Now that I can see where it is I was resisting, I can loosen my grasp and relax a little knowing that in the end all I need is a little faith.

This one might get me in trouble....

2011-09-09T10:48:00.000-04:00

Do we truly believe that 'celebrating' the anniversary of 9/11 each year helps people to heal?

It's been 10 years.

10 years of war and sadness.

Many more people have lost their lives to the cause than just the ones that perished on that day 10 years ago.

For what?

For peace? For justice?

I doubt it.

And what about the other countless terrorist attacks? The other hundreds of thousands of people who have lost their lives to terror over the decades?

There aren't celebrations for those.

No televised ceremonies.

No glamorous preparations.

No presidential speech.

What about the survivors who have moved on and are trying to live a normal life everyday?

It's like digging the corpse up out of the grave every year just to make sure it's still there.

I'm all for remembering, but are we dragging this on longer than necessary?

Sorry, but I just don't get it.

Remembering to BE

2011-09-08T11:58:00.001-04:00

Lately I've been spending a little bit of time with my grandmother in the hospital.

She sleeps alot. She's worn out from her 92 years on this planet. Her gas tank is nearing empty.

So when I'm there, I'm not doing much. I feel like I'm not doing anything to help her feel better.

When it's time to get her food to her and help her eat, I fumble. I can't get the tray to sit right across her bed on the first try. I am afraid I am going to stab her delicate lips with the fork (so I made her eat small chunks of chicken nuggets with a spoon). I want to say something to her and I don't know what that something is. I worry about missing her mouth and getting soup down the front of her (where did they put that big bib anyway?) And don't get me started on getting the straw for her water into her mouth and not up her nose!

I've been laughing alot while I'm with grandma. Laughing at my vulnerability and the ridiculous-ness of it all. Laughing at this 'near end of life' comedy that seems to be unfolding, maybe just in my eyes.

The other day I laughed at my worries that I'm not DOING enough for her.

I stayed with her a few hours and I read a book, I let her float in and out of sleep, I fed her what little she would eat for dinner and then I rubbed her hair and I rubbed her legs. I said a quiet prayer for her.

She told me to go home. I told her not to tell me what to do (my husband recently told me that my spunk reminds him of her). Then I told her that I want to BE with her. Just BE. That everything at home was fine, that the boys will see me when I get home and that there was a big pot of homemade soup waiting for them for dinner.

She smiled.

And just then I let go of my worries about doing enough and we sat there.... being....

I WILL disappoint you. I PROMISE!

2011-09-08T09:22:00.000-04:00

It's not like I do it on purpose. It just comes naturally!

I think I might get a t-shirt made for this one!

Of course we've all disappointed someone at one time or another. We are human afterall. And this is a human experience we are having.

You simply have not lived until you've experienced the phone call or email berating you for being so irresponsible and uncaring!

(disclaimer - the implication that one is irresponsible and uncaring when they have disappointed is an assumption on the part of the accuser and does not realistically reflect the integrity of the disappointee)

This topic is huge for some people right now. Maybe it's all part of the collective 'AHA' that's happening right now.

I've spoken to a few people who are experiencing being put on an invisible pedestal only to find that they are quickly booted off due to a moment of disappointment.

Ah, the game of life. Seriously, where in the rule book does it say that our lives are to be lived only to please the unpleaseable? On what page does it read that I will sacrifice my peace of mind and loving heart to stay friends with someone who clearly doesn't get the meaning of the word 'friendship'.

FYI for those of you who are just waking up. Friendship is not a one way street where one person gets to make all the demands and the other person has to clean up all of your messes for you. Friendship is a give and take, it's an unspoken contract of mutual respect and responsibility.

I will never forget one girl in Grade 8 (a gazillion years ago!) delivering her speech about friendship. It turned into a red faced crying fiasco where the teacher had to escort her out of the room; but for me her words made a huge impact on my heart and have never left me.

People and relationships get hurt when foolishness enters the ring.

It makes me wonder? Is it the initial act that wreaks havoc on the relationship or is it the assumptions, blame and judgement that come afterward?

Personally, if someone thinks I disappointed them on purpose and out of malice, they never really knew me in the first place and will be handed a one way ticket out of my world. To truly know someone is to know what they are capable of and where their heart is at.

For the disappointed, I have one question for you. Who do you think you are?

I also want to give those who are currently feeling disappointed with anything or anyone in their lives a little tip. You are not REALLY disappointed with that person or circumstance, you are REALLY disappointed in yourself! Blaming someone else is avoiding the obvious need to look within yourself and correct the issue. It's time to realize that we are not the center of the Universe, that life happens and we need to take responsibility for our lives and our emotional state.

Can I get an Amen?

Top Secret Information Revealed!

2011-09-06T08:31:00.001-04:00

How many people do you know think that happiness, success and a life full of bliss are out of their reach and control?

How many of these people believe that the ingredient to having all of these things is top secret and is only revealed to those worthy of the information?

Are you one of these people?

While life has us running around like mice in a science experiment, we are missing the fact that the top secret ingredient we all need to make life much more pleasant is simple and it's right beneath our noses!

While I was on vacation this summer I found my mind wandering on the usual things... What am I doing here? What do I want to accomplish with my personal life, my business life? Who do I think I am? How can I get more more more!

I feel out of breath just thinking about these things!

As these thoughts flowed, a message kept popping in... Well, it was more like a word.

Kindness.

Kindness. What am I doing here? Being kind. What do I want to accomplish? Be kind. Who do I think I am? Kind. How can I get more? Be kind.

When I began to answer all the 'pressing' questions that came to my mind with the variations of the word 'kind' I began to see how simple it all is.

Kindness leads to love. Automatically. No strings attached, no hard work, no mind numbing palms sweating dedication. Just a simple act of kindness can pull everyone around you out of a pit of despair.

This is typical 'self help' stuff. And if you're like me you read 'self help' stuff about kindness and love and peacefulness and you think big (aka the little stuff doesn't matter or you have to be a monk living on the mountain to achieve it), how can I make a 'big' difference? Then, rather quickly I might add that energy fizzles because either I feel 'too small' or 'too poor' or 'too' something or other and my thoughts of big die just as quickly as they were born.

But kindness is the stuff dreams are made of! Kindness comes in a beautifully wrapped trinket box, no bigger than your hand (easy to travel with and even easier to give). And the minute the bow is removed from the lid....

SHAZAM!

Kindness explodes and sparkles of light touch everyone around you! Kindness turns a miserable day into a bright one. Kindness can pull someone from the brink of ending their life. Kindness can give someone the strength they need to take one more step towards freedom! Kindness can do anything you want it to do.

Don't kid yourself that, that smile you give to the girl that makes your coffee every morning doesn't affect change. It does!

Don't negate that you holding the door for an elderly person doesn't give them hope. You may be the only person that has even acknowledged their existence that day!

Don't poo poo a listening ear or a card of appreciation sent in the mail.

All of these things can change a life! And it will change your life too!

The Summer of Change

2011-09-06T08:00:00.000-04:00

Oh my goodness... First day back to school for the kids...

My mind is flooded with the possibilities for this day, this total silence mom has control of both computers and can play any kind of music she wants day.....

It is certainly a day of bitter sweet celebration.

Where did the summer go?

Yesterday was emotional for my youngest son. He was in tears over the fact that summer slipped through his fingers and he didn't do anything worthwhile to speak of.

Unless you count the gazillion mechanical robots and cars he created with his lego. Or the countless NERF gun wars he had with his brothers. Or the bike rides to the beach, the trip to the cottage and the visits with family and friends.

I have to admit as summer break came to a close I had these same thoughts in my head. It happens every year really, the urge to make a mad dash to get it all in before the last day falls upon us.

If I look back I can see that the summer was jam packed already. Maybe not with as many spectacular activities that my son would have preferred, for me it was filled with personal connections and growth. I learned alot about myself this summer and as I look around at the people in my circle of influence I can see that tremendous changed happened for all of us.

One friend connected with her truth, another had her second child. One friend connected with her divine skills as a medium and has been helping people who have been struggling with their grief. Another friend let go of her feelings that she was unloveable and still another connected with her true passion in business! And those are just a few mentions!

It definitely was the summer of change and personal growth.

How did it change you?

I'm in no mood to tempt fate!

2011-09-04T09:45:00.001-04:00

So I'm having a bit of car trouble.

Not just one car... But both of our cars refuse to just get up and go for me.

They get up and go for my husband. They get up and go for the mechanic. But not for me.

What does this mean?

Two weeks ago my van stalled on a set of VIA Rail tracks. I got the vehicle off the tracks just in time to see a train whiz by!

So, now it's in the shop and (here's the shocking part) the mechanics have no idea what is wrong with it.

Really?

I'll tell you what's wrong with it. It doesn't like me!

Then this morning I'm jumping into my husbands truck to get to a walk-a-thon and (another shocker) the "your battery is going to die at any moment" light comes on!

Are you F******* kidding me?!?!

So do I stay in the truck and drive it anyway, hoping and praying I don't get stranded.

I thought about it.

For a split second.

Then I jumped out, grabbed my purse and headed back into the house.

I just don't think this is the right time to tempt fate.

Food Revolution

2011-08-29T21:15:00.000-04:00

Over the past month or so there's been a major food revolution going on in my home.

You might remember me posting a story about my hubby's trip to the doctor and his slightly elevated cholesterol levels. Or you might not.

Anyhoo, instead of filling the prescription we decided that diet and exercise would be worth a try.

To be quite honest I was thrilled with the high cholesterol diagnosis, I'd been trying (and failing miserably) to convince hubby and the boys to give vegetarianism a go, that they wouldn't starve without meat in their diets (although my middle son decided to become vegetarian on his own over a year ago).

So this high cholesterol thing was going to work in my favor AND it totally has!

For the first 3 weeks I put us both on a raw food only diet (okay, I snuck a few latte's and snacks here and there when he wasn't looking). The first complaint I got was that he felt hungry all the time, I had heard this might happen and reinforced that he can eat as much as he wants as long as it is raw fruits, veggies and nuts. This seemed to do the trick.

Within the first two weeks I saw a difference in his energy level, his smile was brighter and he was always in a really good mood. Awesome!

Around week 3 we headed to the cottage and because there wasn't adequate cold storage for alot of the veggies, I did what I could with what I had, we did end up eating a few meals of fresh fish and the odd burger, but always had either sliced raw veggies or a vegetarian side dish to go with it.

What amazed me was that on week 3 people were noticing a difference in his body! We ran into a guy at the cottage who we see maybe once per year and he immediately commented on hubby's weight loss!

For me I've noticed an increase in clarity and intuition, as well as a slight slimming of the body. I'll be honest and tell you that I eat bread at least once per day, I just can't seem to kick my PB&J addiction!

Other than my daily bread, we are no longer indulging in processed foods like salad dressings, packaged snacks, etc. unless it's an 'emergency' (as in I haven't done groceries for a while and we're desperate).

As of right now we are eating 1/2 raw and 1/2 cooked vegetarian meals. Hubby is loving this new food lifestyle and is sticking to it like glue, he's loving the benefits of how it makes him feel and is anxious to go to the doctor again soon to see what his weight loss has been.

He now gets comments all the time on the changes in his body and everytime someone compliments him it just makes him more determined to keep going.

The one thing I think is really funny is he is now a huge advocate for raw/vegetarian lifestyle, he tells everyone about what he's doing and why and how it's making him feel.

Amazing! Who would've thunk that this meat eating man would be so happy as a veggie eater?

What comes next....

2011-08-29T08:57:00.000-04:00

Last night's emotional explosion allowed me to release a ton of pent up energy, but at the expense of my family, their friends and their carefree Sunday evening plans.

So what comes next?

I went to bed last night in tears hoping for a good nights sleep and a better morning.

This morning the sun is shining, I'm feeling really groggy; emotional explosions tend to make me feel hung over and drowsy the next day and I have my apology all thought out.

The apology part is really important for me. I know I behaved badly (like a 3 year old deciding a temper tantrum might get her the toy she really really wants) and after a nights sleep I can see that my feelings of inappreciation and disrespect were off the mark and my mental/physical exhaustion was what prompted me to feel that way in the first place.

Plus, my imagination had convinced me that the ongoings of my family yesterday were all a conspiracy to drive me off the deep end. Oh that silly imagination!

The truth is I set myself up for this meltdown all week, running here and there, meeting deadlines, filling my mind with moments other than the one I was in, spreading myself too thin with each moment adding to the ticking time bomb that was developing inside of me.

So why apologize to the kids? Won't that make me look weak? Won't that make me look wrong?

Um, no. To both of those.

Apologizing to our kids when we feel remorseful about what's transpired shows them how to do the same in similar circumstances. It shows them that we are humans too and that we're learning as we go and sometimes we do things we have to apologize for. It gives us an opportunity to sit down and talk with our kids about our feelings, to bring about greater understanding of what just happened.

Admitting we made a mistake or that we were wrong brings us closer to our kids. It doesn't give them some invisible power over us, rather it empowers them to take responsibility for their actions when the time comes.

So don't hold back on the apologies when it comes to your kids. Let them see your humanness, let them see that you can make a mistake but that you know how to correct it and make it right again. It might just bring you closer together. Imagine that!

Did you feel that?

2011-08-28T21:09:00.000-04:00

I just exploded...

I swear it was a 9.9 on the richter (sp?) scale!

Thankfully no one is bleeding.... or worse!

Just some bruised ego's and a teenager whose friends now think I have lost my mind...

Although these friends might have already been aware of my mindlessness...

This happens to me every once in a while. It's like I am a rubber band that has been stretched and stretched and stretched until it can't stretch anymore and it just snaps!

This is not the person I want my children (or their friends) to see. However, in this moment it's who I am.

Crazy mom. Wild woman. Cry baby extraordinaire!

I tried to stave it off by sitting in a nice hot bath and turning up the meditation tunes as loud as I could...

But alas. Serenity wasn't meant to be.

There were many factors to this evenings explosion. Many, many, many factors. None of which are unfamiliar to mom's and women everywhere!

Maybe I shoulda brought the wine bottle down to the tub with me?

Oh well... there's always next time....

The Practice of Acceptance

2011-08-25T10:01:00.000-04:00

What if you were to accept every single thing that has happened or is happening in your life right now?

By accepting I mean looking at any given situation and understanding that it is happening, or that it has already happened and leave it at that. No judgement, no trying to control or manipulate the outcome. Simply allowing that situation to be just as it is.

Does this sound like giving up to you? Does this sound like being cowardly? Does it sound like laziness?

It might to some.

To me it sounds like a stress free, peaceful way of going about life.

Take a moment to think of the one thing that is happening in your life right now that is occupying space in your mind and heart, dominates your thoughts and has you awake at night.

What have you done thus far to deal with this situation?

Is that working?

I'm going to guess that it hasn't.

What I have noticed in the past when I have tried to control or manipulate the outcome of a situation is that the situation got worse, it got more intense and was prolonged. It is in these moments that I need to remind myself that 'what we resist, persists'.

The opposite of resistance is acceptance.

We stumble on acceptance because we haven't practiced using it a whole lot. Life & society tells us to work hard towards a solution, fight to the death so to speak (some people take this one literally).

By accepting something you aren't giving up. You aren't condoning bad behaviour. You don't have to like what is happening. By accepting something you are saying 'I choose a life free from stress over a life full of tension and anxiety'.

Accepting what is does not mean we relieve ourselves of responsibility. You don't rack up thousands of dollars worth of debt and then say "oh well, I guess I just have to accept it" and not make any motions towards paying that debt back. What you can do is choose not to worry about said debt, it's already happened, it's already there, that's the reality of the situation and then you take responsibility for it.

Debt doesn't go away if you stick your head in the sand and misbehaving children don't develop a better attitude if mom or dad constantly have their battle gear on.

When I think of acceptance I instantly get a visualization of a door opening. In the moment when acceptance occurs, a weight is lifted, our breathing gets deeper we feel more relaxed, it is in that moment when opportunities come that will be tailored to your getting the situation resolved.

Have you ever tried to reason with a screaming child? This is what non-acceptance is like, it's like talking to a brick wall and expecting wisdom in return. It gets you no where.

It's easy to confuse yourself though and say that you are accepting when behind the scenes you are still working at undermining others, manipulating outcomes and judging situations. You'll know your acceptance level hasn't hit the mark if you are experiencing the same resistance.

Practice makes perfect though so don't give up. Keep accepting, even the smallest moments of acceptance can create huge opportunity and change.

If you want something you've never had....

2011-08-22T15:55:00.000-04:00

Do something you've never done....

This is one of my all time favourite quotes! I was reminded of it this afternoon while speaking with a client.

We are all striving towards healthier relationships. We all just want to be happy and accepted. We all just want to be loved and appreciated. Am I right?

So what if your relationships don't look like that? Maybe some do, but some don't. Maybe all of them are pretty equal but could use a little boost.

Well then, you might want to try something you've never done before.

Years ago I heard a woman speak about relationships and about affecting change through what she called "energy bank accounts".

The idea was to fill other people's energy bank accounts with positivity and love instead of anger, jealousy, etc.

A simple yet powerful idea that many of us don't even know we are doing each day.

How many of us become miserable when we are around a chronic complainer? How many of us become enthusiastic about life when we spend time with an optimistic person with a positive, bright outlook on life? This is energy at work. The energy we put out makes a huge difference on the people in our lives!

It was during the time that I heard this speech that I was experiencing lots of negativity in my marriage. My husband wasn't happy with his work and found it difficult to turn the work stuff off once he was home. After a while it became so that we just weren't that excited to see him at the end of the day, it was affecting our relationship and his relationship with our children. I had to do something and I remembered the energy bank account.

I decided then that I would spend 5-10 minutes everyday thinking about my husband in a loving, encouraging and appreciative way. This was at times very difficult as things were not good in our home at the time and there was little I felt I could appreciate about his presence in my life. But still I would spend that time each day.

I noticed immediately that his attitude was more positive, upbeat and welcoming on the days I had spent that 5-10 minutes thinking of him in a positive light. On the days that I forgot it was a totally different story.

I also noticed my attitude becoming more positive and loving towards him. Even on the days he was cranky!

What I was doing was filling his energy bank account with positive energy and it was counterbalancing the negative energy he was receiving at work.

When we walk around all day with our energy bank accounts overflowing with negativity it is easy to attract chaos, turmoil and undesirable life circumstances.

When our energy bank accounts are filled with positive energy we are more likely to remain balanced and react to situations more peacefully.

What I believe happens is that as you are fillling someone else's energy account, you are also filling your own. The more positive that goes in the more the negative is filtered out and the better you will feel.

Sometimes we complain to our friends about our kids, spouses, coworkers and employers without thinking about it, but this energy is being sent directly into that persons energy account to be used by them at the perfect moment.

Think of the worst day you've ever had. Now picture yourself making energy withdrawals on that day, if you were already having a bad day and you had lots of negative deposits in your account, your energy would draw on that negativity because it would be a vibrational match to how you are feeling. Now if you had been filling that account with positive energy you may have started your day on the wrong foot, but would quickly be able to balance it out and bring about the positive to make it much better because your bank account would have positive energy to draw upon.

Try it for yourself and see what kind of positive changes you can affect.

Time for the annual 'cottage trip book review'

2011-08-21T21:45:00.001-04:00

I'm just back from 2 glorious weeks of vacation at our Northern Ontario cottage. I know there are so many more 'important' things I need to be doing (like the 10 piles of laundry I have scattered on the laundry room floor). But if there is anything I have learned from years of cottaging it is not to expect too much of myself the first day or two back.

It was a busy couple of weeks. We managed to get the cottage painted and enjoyed many rainy days lounging, reading and relaxing.

I didn't get as much reading done as I normally do on my northern getaway, but the books I did get in were totally worth it and reminded me that I am always guided to just what I need when I need it.

First up; Alicia Silverstone's "The Kind Diet". I saw this book at the local Indigo store and thought it looked interesting, lucky for me the local library had a copy! Since switching up our diet a little, kicking processed foods to the curb and eating more raw foods I thought it would be a great idea to look into how others are doing it. Alicia's all about veganism, she talks alot about the impact our diet has on our environment and discusses the positive changes that could take place globally if we were all a little more conscious about what we eat. Although, she's not a raw foodie, her recipes are all delicious looking, packed with nutrients and environmentally friendly. This is a book I will be purchasing to have on my recipe book shelf. Definitely!

Helene Cooper's 'The House at Sugar Beach'. A young girl's account of what life was like, raised in Monrovia in a 22 room mansion by the sea in the 70's. Her family flees to the USA when Liberia erupts into civil war and she begins her journey as an American citizen, how she becomes a valued media correspondent and her journey back to Liberia 23 years after the fact.
Cooper's ancestors are traced back to the first ship of freeman to set sail from New York to Monrovia in 1820, so this book is also chalk full of history (which is exactly the way I like to learn my history).
Definitely a worthy read.

'Stealing Buddha's Dinner' by Bich Minh Nguyen. The entire book is about a young Vietnamese girl who comes of age in Grand Rapids, Michigan and relates food of every flavour to her upbringing and her journey. I found it interesting how Nguyen related every experience to the food, whether it was celebration or tragedy, it was all about the food. A few times I found myself putting the book away because it was making me hungry for all the junk food I had packed for the kids.
This story put into perspective what it would be like for an immigrant. The things they would have to adjust to, the social aspects, the difference in cultures and the abundance of food! All things we all take for granted.

'Mandela's Way Fifteen Lessons on Life, Love and Courage' by Richard Stengel. There's just something about Nelson Mandela that draws me in and this book might just be my favourite of all I read on vacation.
Stengel shares stories of intimate time spent with Mandela and shares what was learned and how Mandela handled each situation.
I love a book that gives me an opportunity to reflect upon my own life, my own character and how I could make a positive difference in my world. Stengel writes in such a way that it feels like you are getting to know his subject more deeply and intimately. A truly inspiring read!

Last but certainly not least, 'Mother Teresa's Secret Fire' by Joseph Langford. As much as I like to reflect when I read, I also like to get down to the nitty gritty right away and to do this you need to start on Chapter 8 of this book. Once I got to the point of the message Langford wanted to convey I found myself being affected deeply by his words and found it much easier to take in the message.
This book is a tad bit religious, I was hoping for more simplistic material as Mother Teresa was a simple (and at the same time profoundly deep) woman.
Who Mother Teresa was, what she encountered, her love of Jesus and faith in God is something we can all have. She wasn't born with all of this divine connection, it grew inside of her and her faith grew out of that. She reminds us that Jesus has deep love for us, for who we are RIGHT now. We need not wait to become something different or better than we already are to receive and feel divine Love. A great read for anyone wanting confirmation of their worthiness on this planet, or who simply wants to know more about what made this amazing woman tick.

Well, that's it, the 'cottage trip book review'.

If you read any of these or have read them, I'd love to hear what you thought!

Jumping off the grid!

2011-08-04T18:57:00.000-04:00

In just 2 more sleeps I will be on my way to the great North to spend 2 relaxing weeks living in my pyjamas and reading the tower of books I have selected to keep me company during that time.

Deep breath.

I can hardly wait.

Just thinking about the sun reflecting off the lake and the sound of the tree leaves rustling in the breeze is making me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

This year's trip to the cottage, marks another first in our life. It's the first time we'll be bringing my son's girlfriend with us.

It's really the only way we can get his 17 year old butt up there. And seeing as we are really hoping that he is working full time next summer, this may be the last time he gets a vacation with us for a little while.

Heading to the cottage means jumping off the technological grid. No hydro, no phone service, no people (well except the ones that you bring with you). Just me and the family enjoying the sun, the fishing, the game nights and of course the homemade popcorn and hobo pies!

If I could snap my fingers and magically make it Saturday I would!

This vacation is well deserved and I plan to milk every last moment out of it and come back to you all refreshed and ready to take on the world (again)!

Don't miss me too much! 2 weeks isn't THAT long :)

KISS

2011-07-29T13:49:00.000-04:00

Keep It Simple Stupid!

As of 7pm last night this is my new mantra.

You might have read my previous post about losing my mind over lack of dinner ideas.

Just after I posted that blog, my son walked into the kitchen and said to me "I really would like spaghetti tonight Mom". Okay then. Problem solved.

I do this to myself WAY too often. I (for reasons God only knows about) love to make things more complicated than they ever need to be.

From relationships to attending events to what to make for dinner it has become much too easy to jump off the serenity bridge and into the pit of hellish fire known as self inflicted stress.

For instance, this past weekend I had the option to attend a family function. Instead of just asking myself what I wanted to do about whether to attend or not, my mind instantly ran off towards the 'should' department of life and started throwing out all sorts of reasons why I should attend because it would be nice of me to do so, or it would benefit my kids, or it would make other people happy/content.

I analyzed the situation until it looked like a piece of roadkill that had been hit 100 times and finally concluded that I simply did not want to go. That's it. I did not WANT to go. No reason why, no floundering for an excuse that would be acceptable to others.

Why must we make everything more complicated than it has to be (or even more so than it sometimes already is)? It certainly doesn't feel good to the body to do this. It doesn't help you sleep at night or help you to wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed. So what is the real point?

Do you know that we would all have WAY more free time on our hands if we weren't so busy building mountains out of mole hills.

Imagine what you could do with all of that free time? You could maybe paint your toenails, take in a movie or I don't know....ENJOY your LIFE!!!!

My point is that anything more than simple just isn't worth the energy.

Trust me, our body mind and spirit are screaming for a little more simple!

But don't take my word for it. Try out the KISS approach for a week and see what happens.

You really don't have anything to lose!

I wish I could post this with a 'really bad word' as the heading!

2011-07-28T14:57:00.003-04:00

I really wanted to call this post "FUCK!!!!!"

But I really wasn't sure how that would go over.

So I sweetened it up a little...

Sitting here, right now; I am overwhelmed.

By what you may be asking?

Well, nothing in particular. Except the pressure I am putting on myself.

That's all.

The pressure of finding something interesting and delicious to 'uncook' for dinner.

I have recently gone on a 'we need to eat more raw/vegetarian type foods' in the name of my husbands good health and today, I just don't feel like I have the energy to even Google a good recipe!

Plus, all of the good recipes on Google (the ones with the pretty pictures) require sprouted this and sprouted that and other things that I can't even pronounce. And my black bean & chick pea sprouts aren't ready yet!

~~Fuck Fuck Fuckety Fuck!~~ ACK!

I want to keep the momentum of this new food revolution going! I really really really want to succeed... It's been great to not have to cook anything over the past week (since I really don't enjoy cooking, as is clear by the wilted veggies and burnt meat I serve to my family each night), it's super easy to throw a few veggies and fruits together in a salad or experimental casserole and hubby is already noticing a change in his body since beginning this endeavour.

As much as I want to keep it going and be successful, it would be so much easier to just throw a box of something on the stove and cook it into oblivion. For old times sake!

I'm having trouble with the variety. Presenting something new and exciting at each family meal.

I can see why all the raw vegan websites talk about how difficult it is to maintain this lifestyle and how most people will fail. I can see my raw food plane going down already and we've only been in flight for a week!

This healthy raw diet is challenging me to change all of my beliefs about how food should be eaten and why. It's challenging my entire family for that matter (the men think I'm off my rocker - they could be onto something there!) to try new things and have faith that we won't starve just because there isn't KD in the pantry!

In fact, what may be the hardest part about this experience (besides the finding of easy recipes to provide variety) is that the kids are too used to having 'ready to eat' food stocked on our shelves and right now, there isn't any. There is nothing for them to open up and chew on or microwave. There's no fast food in this house and it's driving them just as mad as not having a recipe for tonights dinner is driving me!

It's a house of madness.

Watching my 14 year old come into the kitchen, whip open the pantry door and scream "there's nothing to eat in this house"', reminds me of a drug addict going through withdrawals. I swear if I looked more closely at the boy he'd be shaking uncontrollably. I reminded him of the plethora of fruits and veggies in the refrigerator and he came back with "it's all just ingredients! There's nothing to just EAT"

{laugh}

And therein lies the problem.... for all of us!

You are the Captain of your Relation-Ship!

2011-07-25T10:10:00.000-04:00

I picked up a book off my bookshelf the other day called "Complaint Free Relationships" written by Will Bowen.

I purchased this book over a year ago and hadn't even opened it!

This weekend was a 'soul searching' weekend. Nothing I had planned, it just sort of happened.

Anyway, I love how when you are ready to conquer a belief system, the tools and ideals magically appear in front of you.

This book is one of those tools.

The book speaks about the state of our relationships with ourselves and others are based on perceptions in the mind.

This information isn't new to me, and at the same time it is!

Think about that person that you work with that you absolutely cannot stand. Think about your thoughts while on your way to work. What are they saying about this loathesome being? I'm pretty sure they are not good thoughts.

If you are having nasty thoughts about this co-worker, then it shouldn't be a surprise to you when he/she behaves exactly as you expect them to behave. Energetically, they are living up to your expectations.

Whoa!

Did you feel that shift?!? I certainly did!

I spent some time yesterday releasing all sorts of people and the perceptions that I had held about them.

Often times we feel victimized. We feel we've been done wrong at some point by the people in our lives. We sit with that wrong doing and we review it daily, adding bits and pieces of things to the story that make it sound 'better'. We do this for days, months and years. The mind is loving this!

What we forget in the midst of all of this victimization behaviour is that we have all the power inside of us to change this situation. It's a matter of making a choice.

Last night as I sat in meditation, my heart was filled with so much love and compassion for the people in my life whom I've filled my relation-ship with negative photos of. I began to see myself taking down those photos & perceptions of them and revealed all sorts of wonderful memories and pictures that were hidden by the yucky ones I had placed on top of them. What a relief I felt as I drifted off to sleep, knowing that those pictures were gone, that I had made a choice to make a change.

I have been holding onto some ugly, ugly perceptions of people. Something I'm deciding to let go of.

All those perceptions do is make me feel sad, alone, frustrated and angry, which leads to behaviour I normally would not entertain!

This simple meditation has filled me with so much forgiveness. Because in reality there is nothing to forgive, it was all made up in my mind!

The people involved in our victimization stories haven't done anything 'wrong'. They haven't done anything TO us.

We've done it to ourselves!

The Trouble with Growing Up

2011-07-24T10:40:00.000-04:00

My kids are growing up... and FAST!

They are no longer interested in the things we used to do to keep them occupied.

They spend their time in front of the XBOX or handheld game, texting on the cellphone or hanging with friends in town.

They turn down offers of trailriding on bikes, excursions to the beach to look for glass and even trips to the ice cream shop! In fact, we are currently engaged in the discussion of why the 14 year old cannot stay home alone for 10 days while we are away at the family cottage on vacation!

What is my world coming to?

I found myself feeling a bit sad this morning at the thought that my role as mother has come to a sort of standstill. Of course, I know it will never be a stale role, that there will always be something I will be needed for as a mother. However, the part of this role that states it is my duty to keep my children lovingly entertained, giving them ways to express themselves and exert energy are long gone!

They are who they are! They have put themselves in charge of their own happiness and entertainment!

This is a VERY good thing! Why does it feel so sad?

Waking up on the wrong day...

2011-07-22T20:32:00.000-04:00

Today I woke up on tomorrow.

Meaning?

I woke up this morning already having thoughts about tomorrow.

By 8:10am I was in tears asking my good friend to smack me.

By 10:30 I was nauseous.

By 1:00 I was exhausted.

(Yes, you've guessed it, I've lost my marbles!)

Logically, tomorrow is not a problem, it's just that it's not today. But my mind wasn't in a logical mood this morning (apparently) and my body immediately responded to being thrown into a day it was not prepared for.

I wish I knew what happens between the time my head hits the pillow at night and the sun rises in the morning. It's like a time warp/time travel kinda thing!

Anywho, I feel much better. Having meditated to an OM chant for an hour!

Hopefully I don't wake up tomorrow in yesterday... Then there's gonna be trouble!

I'm a junkie...

2011-07-21T12:11:00.000-04:00

I've kept it a secret for too long.

Been in the closet with the door locked, sitting in the dark wondering if I'd ever get the nerve to admit my addiction.

Today's the day.

I woke up this morning and realized I can't live with this lie any longer.

Here goes.

I am addicted to acceptance.

Whew.

I feel lighter already.

The problem with being addicted to acceptance is that the need is never really met. The craving is so intense that you will do anything to get it! The side affect of this addiction of course is that even the smallest amounts of outward acceptance cannot tame the need! The more you receive acceptance from others the more you feel starved of it!

A never ending cycle.

Or is it?

Admitting this addiction has been a very big part of my personal growth process lately. I've been watching myself in certain situations and noticing my reactions and feelings in moments of someone expressing their acceptance of me.

It feels good still, but it doesn't have the same hold on me that it used to. What used to make me feel warm and fuzzy for days, quickly loses it's sparkly happiness and sends me into a place of questioning "If that person can so easily accept me, why can't I?"

This is where the junkie in me can step even further into the stronghold of the addiction or I can recognize that I'm no longer in need of outward acceptance and move forward.

I realize that what I truly want is the permanent high of self acceptance. It's what I've been looking for all of this time, I was just going about it the 'wrong' way. Or is that the 'right' way since eventually I got it!

What addiction have you been hiding? How is it keeping you from moving forward?

Dummy Doctor

2011-07-20T22:21:00.000-04:00

Firstly, my apologies to any doctors who will read this blog. Although I'm sure none do, they are probably much too busy to bother with silly things like my blog. Which is a good thing because I'm about to go ape nuts on the medical profession....

Anywho.

Hubby had a doctors appointment a bit ago regarding an issue with his knee. He was sent for blood tests and is awaiting an MRI (yes we realize he may lose the leg prior to getting the MRI, but still it's what the doctor ordered).

So post blood work, he gets a call to revisit the office, the doctor needs to discuss the results.

He comes into the house tonight and this is the conversation

Me: "how did the visit go?"

Hubby "Not bad. He gave me a prescription for high cholesterol"

Me (glaring): "I told you to tell him no prescriptions that first we will work with diet and exercise if it turned out to be a cholesterol thing".

Hubby (nervous because now he's not only dealing with the news from the dr. but he's dealing with his irate, very passionate wife!) "he said it's the LDL and that you can't change LDL with diet and exercise".

Me: "Really? In his 4 hours of fucking nutritional training 20+ years ago he has the knowledge to tell you that diet and exercise cannot change high cholesterol? What you should've said was sorry buddy your summer vacation isn't on me this year, I won't be taking your stupid prescription so that the pharmaceutical company will send you a big fat fucking cheque, plus it's only elevated 2 points which doesn't warrant a statin drug that will cause more problems down the road".

Hubby (smiling because he is so totally used to this kind of stuff coming out of my mouth).

Me: "I'm googling it. I'll have your cholesterol down in no time."

ARGH!

I am so sick of doctors and their kick backs from pharmaceutical companies.

At the mention of my plan of action, the doctor immediately told my husband that eating habits and exercise won't work and that LDL is genetic and is a bowel issue - he told my husband the only way to lower it without drugs is to have a portion of the bowel removed!

Are we living in the fucking dark ages??? Where are these professionals hiding while the rest of us are learning more about healthy living and effectively managing health issues through proper diet?

Not that google is the answer to everything, but 50+ sites saying the same things from different sources can't be wrong? Changing your diet, losing weight and implementing a daily exercise plan will lower your cholesterol more effectively and more safely than statin drugs.

My husband wants to live forever. To be told at 44 he has no choice but to go on a drug to lower cholesterol or else have a portion of bowel removed for a 2 point elevation in his LDL is disgusting and shows us exactly where our health care system is.

The damn pharmaceutical companies are running the show. Some doctors are denying care to any patient that goes against the prescribed ~~remedy~~ cover up. The money in the pocket is more powerful than their commitment to 'first do no harm'.

Unbelievable!

You are That!

2011-07-20T14:32:00.000-04:00

I love love love having coffee chats with my friends.

I think of them as creative coffee chats because an idea always presents itself or a previous thought blossoms into reality in the blink of an eye.

There's something about these times that lights a fire under me and gets me moving in a great direction!

Today was no different, as I sipped my peppermint tea and listened to my friend speak about how pleasantly surprised she is to be surrounded by so many amazing people these days, it warmed me up (the words, not the tea).

In a world where we strive to become something bigger and better, we rarely stop and take a look at what we already have surrounding us.

This includes the wonderful people we call friends, acquaintances and colleagues.

Her sentiment resonated within me and I shared with her that the mere fact that she is surrounded by amazing, beautiful, talented and powerful people is because she is that! She is amazing, beautiful, talented and powerful herself. Why shouldn't she be surrounded by the same?

We often miss this big piece of the self love puzzle.

The easiest and quickest way for us to recognize our self worth is to look around us.

Look around at all of the beauty in the people that call you friend. You are that beauty.

Look around at all of the wisdom. You are that wisdom.

Look around at all that love, happiness, creativity. You are that!

So next time you are down and out, feeling alone or lonely, feeling unloved or unworthy, just look around at all of the people that love you and adore you and think you are the cat's ass!

Because you are that!

A heart to heart

2011-07-18T15:01:00.001-04:00

To say I've been feeling a bit lost lately would be a huge understatement.

My mind is all over the place (and so are my blog posts!)

Each day I wake up hoping that today is the day things turn around.

Not that things are horrible. Everything on the outside is looking just fine and dandy, it's my "inside's" that are making the fuss.

So today on the way home from a meeting with a friend and student of mine, I took some time to think about where I've been and where I feel I am going.

I had a heart to heart with myself and with my angel guides.

I shared my worries and fears about moving forward and (once again) committed to letting go of these so that I could freely be guided to do what and who it is I am meant to be.

It felt good to release all of that energy.

When I arrived home there was a phone message from someone I was waiting to hear back from with regards to an opportunity to teach Continuing Education workshops for a local college.

Instantly, my mind started to go through the list of things I needed to accomplish to make this meeting a success. My heart started racing and the stress and anxiety began to creep in.

SCREECH!

Wait a minute!

Did you or did you NOT just tell your guides that you were letting go of this ~~shit~~ stuff?!?

Okay....breathe....

Let the test of my commitment begin!

Ask the Boss

2011-07-18T09:05:00.000-04:00

When was the last time you ran your thoughts and ideas past the boss?

I'm not talking about the guy at the office that signs your paycheques. I'm talking about your heart!

When was the last time you ran an idea past your heart?

Let's face it half the stuff your mind thinks you should do, your heart would never agree with!

That's where the inner struggle begins.

When you've been doing too much thinking and not enough feeling in a situation you will no doubt begin to experience a tightness in the chest and fluttering in the tummy!

It's like a built in alarm system in our bodies that goes off when we aren't being true to our hearts desires.

As I prepared for bed last night I realized I've been doing a lot of things based on what my mind thinks I should be doing and haven't once run it past my heart to see if she was in agreement.

I can easily tell by my emotional state and my level of energy that I've been 'mind driven' for a while.

That monkey mind that plays it's story tapes all day long 24/7 can wear a girl out!

My mind will wander in every which way, making life seem more complicated than it has to be. And because I haven't once brought that information into my heart to see if it's true for me, I have gotten caught up in the tide and have been swept out into the ocean of 'useless bullshit' thinking.

And if it's not feeling good then why am I doing it?

That is a very good question. I think I'll run it past the boss.

Power in Numbers

2011-07-14T15:58:00.002-04:00

Today I had the pleasure of meeting with 3 beautiful and inspiring business women who have so much motivation and determination to light this world on fire that just being in their presence makes you feel like you can take on anything.

I get this feeling often when I am surrounded by powerful women (and men). The energy that flows through the group ignites the creative mind and sets you on a new course of action.

I listened to each of them share some of their personal struggles since their last gathering and what they have on the horizon with their businesses. I could have listened to them all day long.

Jess Webb. The Digital Design gal. There is so much potential in this amazing young woman, I can't wait to see where she goes (and I hope I get to tag along on some of those adventures ;) I tell many people, if they are looking for creative direction for their web presence and social media projects, Jess is the girl you want to hire!

Floydilou Kerr. This business Savvy woman will take your business to the next level with her 'on the fly' approach to making changes from an intuitive point of view, she'll have your head spinning and your pocketbook overflowing in no time at all!

Lora Colautti. Lora is an absolute hoot to be around! She's a talented life coach that specializes in helping overwhelmed, overbooked, overexhausted women find their passion and in doing so helping them to find balance and calm even in the busiest of schedules!

Their inspiration was exactly what I needed today. I have so many ideas floating around in my head that I recruited my son to jot them down for me as I drove to his orthodontist appointment today!

There are power in numbers people. Extreme, raw, over the top power!

If you are feeling stuck, need some creative energy to jolt you back to life you need to call a meeting of the minds, gather up the girls (or boys) get the latte's flowing and have at it!

Believe me you won't soon regret it!

The Truth Is....

2011-07-13T22:03:00.000-04:00

Being honest with yourself is probably the hardest thing you will ever do.

You'll have to face some big things that you've been lying to yourself about.

It's gonna be SO worth it!

A little while back I got an email from a friend.

As always it was perfect timing. I was in need of a reality check, I had been ignoring my truth and working hard at the things I really don't enjoy doing which translates into nothing, notta, zip.

I learned a long time ago that when I'm not honest with myself about the direction I'm going in, I feel like a failure. If I continue on a project that feels bad to me but I'm being encouraged by an outside source, I feel like a failure. And still I get stuck in that sometimes.

The article talked about how being honest with yourself and embracing your truth can help you build your business. Personally, I wasn't focused on how this would improve my business, I was more interested in what it would do for me personally. Since personally I was feeling like I was stuck in quicksand.

The article encourages you to make a list of truths.

The list starts 'The Truth Is....' and you go through each and every thing you can think of that you've been trying to deny for so long.

My list was long.

The struggle was getting down to my core issues and not focusing on what someone else might want me to focus on (I know you're thinking where does someone else's expectations come in... I don't know, they just do sometimes).

What happens when you are looking at a physical list of truth? It changes you. It changes your direction and it changes your decisions and priorities.

I looked at my list and thought "why on earth would I continue to do anything that I don't feel good about or that doesn't honour my truth?"

Here's my list.

The truth is I HATE (I know a strong word, and yet oh so appropriate) doing business work.
The truth is I really want to draw and teach and heal all day long.
The truth is I don't spend enough time being a mom (because some days I'm too busy doing the business thing)
The truth is I'm afraid of my potential.
The truth is I'm tired of holding back, I'm tired of being afraid and I'm tired of 'playing small'.
The truth is I love my life when I am sharing wisdom and drinking latte's with new (and old) friends.
The truth is I am tired of denying myself true happiness for someone else's emotional well being.
The truth is when it comes to business I despise the networking scene and think it's a joke.
The truth is I have a lot to learn about everything in life and the truth is I am eager to do that learning.

The list goes on and on.

What does your list of truth look like?

A Book Worth Reading

2011-07-11T12:23:00.002-04:00

When my good facebook friend Ed McBeth announced the launch of his new book "How To Seduce Life", I thought to myself "now THIS is a book I want to read, in fact this is a book I would LOVE to do a review for".

Lucky for me Ed thought my offer to review was a good idea and sent me a copy of his 'baby' for me to read.

It's not often I get to read a 'self help' book that is honest, realistic and humourous. Let's face it most self help authors are dry and all the advice they give is something most of us can't imagine doing for ourselves.

Guru Eduardo (Ed's pen name) tells it like it is in 'How To Seduce Life'. He shares his wisdom and wise cracks and everytime I picked the book up it felt as though I had him right in my living room with me sharing a beer and a few laughs about life.

The timing of this literary gem couldn't have been better for me!

Reading Guru Eduardo's tips on how to authentically seduce life has rekindled a passion in me for random acts of kindness and living a life full of fun! Both of which I've been slacking on and really needed a kick in the pants... Thanks Guru!

Guru Eduardo takes Dr. David Hawkins "Power vs. Force" to the next level. Teaching you how to remain in a positive state of mind, avoid negative pitfalls and get what you truly want out of life!

'How To Seduce Life' is the everyday person's guide to being a success in the business of YOU. It encourages you to look at life a ~~little~~ lot more on the light side, recognize and take action on the plethora of positive change opportunities that surround us every day and be an excellent role model for the people you interact with.

The Guru writes about changing the world, love, fear, belief systems, super powers and so much more!

He 'gets real' with us about personal growth, you can feel the love that Ed has for life and for his readers. I cannot remember ever reading a non-fiction/self help that is fun to read, gives you real life examples of how to get through challenges and encourages you to hone your silliness skills and to discover your super powers!

To say that I LOVE this book would be an understatement!

It will definitely be one of the few books on my shelf that I will refer to time and time again for a 'reality' check.

Thanks Ed for being so wise and for sharing that wisdom with the world!

BUY the book NOW and learn more about Guru Eduardo! Visit www.howtoseducelife.info

What's the worst that can happen?

2011-07-09T15:17:00.000-04:00

This is a great question to ask yourself when you are stuck in a situation and feeling a ton of fear about making a decision that might not be too popular with the rest of the world.

I asked myself this question last week.

In fact, I ask myself this question alot.

And what I have found is that everytime I ask and answer this question, I find that the worst isn't really that bad.

In fact, if I think about it, what I would consider being the 'worst' thing that could ever happen, has actually already happened to me.

Nothing the mind can make up at this point holds a candle to some of the things I've already experienced.

And I would suspect that you would feel the same way (unless you've lived in a bubble all of your life).

Think of the worst thing that has ever happened to you in this lifetime. Think about the time you felt most alone, most afraid, most sad.

Now think about the fears that are holding you back from achieving a level of success in your life.

Now ask yourself. What is truly the worst that can possibly happen?

If the worst happens, will I be okay? Will I overcome it?

For me, being rejected is a fate worse than death. Yet I reject myself all of the time, I've been rejected by many people in the past and I've done some rejecting myself from time to time.

Guess what? I'm still living. I'm still breathing. In fact, I am better than ever despite all that rejection going on!

Hmmm.

So really what is the worst that can happen if you make that career change (even if it is a pay cut); dump that boyfriend/girlfriend who doesn't treat you right (even if he/she tells you you won't find anyone else) or spend the day lounging in a comfy chair (when you know you should be doing something more productive)?

Chances are it's not as bad as what your mind has been telling you.

A Ridiculous Poem :)

2011-07-07T17:40:00.001-04:00

It feels as though the world is tipping
And I am slipping off the edge.

Hanging on by the tips of my fingers
Legs and feet dangling, limp, lifeless.

What if I just let go?
What is the worst that can happen?

I could lose myself in the abyss
Get cozy in the darkness.

And that would be fine
It would be bliss.

I guess.

And in a moment
That thought is over.

I'm back on solid ground
Though my legs feel a bit like wet spaghetti.

Life is so.... Oh I don't know
precarious, unusual, ridiculous!

All you would hear is my giggle
As I fall.....

<3

Benefits to Humanity

2011-07-06T23:04:00.000-04:00

This week I got to meet a 16 year old boy who has autism.

His parents brought him to State of Being for a Reiki session; they had been all around the world seeking healers to heal him of his 'issue'.

His parents were evaluating my skills as a healer to see if I could help their son.

He took his Reiki through his Mother as a surrogate. He didn't let me touch him. He didn't want to be here.

His energy was saying "leave me alone" throughout the entire session.

Leave me alone.

He had endured different healers poking and prodding at him for years. Endured his parents seeking out people who might be able to 'fix' him.

Granted his parents love him very much. He doesn't see it like that, he sees it as not being accepted for who he is.

I could see the gift that this beautiful boy had brought to the world. I could see the joy and love in his sisters faces as they watched him move around the room and touch everything in sight. I could see the pain and exhaustion in his parents eyes.

The boy doesn't know he has a challenge. He thinks he is just fine. It's the perception of the parents that says he has something wrong with him.

This boy and his family touched me, because it made me realize how much I had been denying my own imperfections.

I have been the one in my own life who has been searching out 'cures' for what I see as challenges, deficiencies and defects.

I began to wonder this week what would happen if I just embraced all of that, accepted it and moved on.

I had told the parents of this boy that their son was a gift to them, brought here with a purpose to serve humanity by way of teaching patience and tolerance. Both of which this world needs a whole lot of. When you begin to see your son as perfect and as a blessing that is when you will see changes. The changes won't be his, he will be the same. The changes will be yours. Your perception will have changed and that can change everything.

I thought long and hard about this message once my clients had left.

I realized that this message is for all of us.

For each one of us, our challenges, quirks and special personalities are serving a purpose to humanity.

It's up to us to change our perception of each of these and accept them so that humanity can finally benefit.

Speaking in Tongues

2011-06-30T15:28:00.000-04:00

WARNING: this post might confuse the heck out of you. Do not operate heavy machinery while reading this post. Do not attempt to cook a meal while reading this post. Taking too long to read this post might make you as crazy as I am. You've been warned!

I might be better off today, if I wrote in some mysterious ancient language. At least it might seem more exotic or mysterious.

Instead it's just going to be me trying to piece words together that may or may not make sense.

Because lately, it feels like english doesn't make sense to me. In fact, nothing about my life is making any sense to me. I feel a bit like I'm walking in a fog and God only knows if I'm about to step off the edge of the earth.

I know there are things I need to do, clients to see, dinners to make and still I feel like my eyes are only half open. I had to keep looking down at myself to make sure I had gotten dressed today because even in my 'going out of the house' clothes, I feel like I'm still in my pj's.

Does anyone else feel like they need to stay in bed for a week (you can nod and agree if you want to, no one can see you)?

Maybe it was that asteroid that nearly hit earth the other day and shifted the gravitational pull (or something like that, I wasn't paying attention).

It's not just me.

I got home from a meeting this afternoon to see that my youngest decided to take a nap. He's eleven, so any chance of him agreeing to lay down in the middle of the day is nil!

I think I've sprouted 10 different personalities over the past month. And they all want air time.... It's ridiculous!

I mean, I can't even think of 10 names to call them!

I wonder what would happen if I gave them each their own blog???

Hmmmmm

I might as well be walking through life backwards these days. At least that way I'd have a better view of what I've missed.

At the bakery today, I handed the girl a $10 bill and then waited for change. She stood there staring at me because I had my hand out and my change purse open to receive change. She said "did you need a bag or something?" and I looked at her, looked at my purse and realized the total was $10 and there would be no change.

Yep, I'm good for a laugh these days.

Gosh I feel so ~~fucked up~~ dazed and confused....

Aren't you glad you popped over today for a visit?

Blech!

Never Alone

2011-06-29T15:18:00.000-04:00

I finally had time to take a walk this morning.

The sun was shining, birds singing, breeze blowing. Beautiful.

I use my walk time to meditate (yes you can walk AND meditate at the same time, but only if you are talented as me), sometimes I pray, sometimes I allow my mind to go over and over the silly stories it plays.

This morning I was having an inner discussion with myself about a project I'm embarking on. I really don't know where it is taking me, or even how it is all going to work out. I'm trying to have as much faith as possible because I know that everything is always the way it needs to be.

Just as I was asking myself (or whomever was listening) a question about which direction to take next I looked down and saw a fluffy white feather sitting in the grass next to the sidewalk.

I looked around to see if there was a bird lying dead somewhere. Nope. Just the feather.

Hmph.

I picked it up and started walking again.

I'm a little slow in the mental department sometimes and though I recognized the feather as a symbol of faith my mind still asked it's questions and did it's wondering.

Another feather.

This one a little longer and a little more firm, stronger.

Okay. Message received.

We are never alone. This is becoming abundantly clear!

Poor Me......

2011-06-29T10:50:00.000-04:00

There seems to be a whole lot of "poor me" going around lately.

Maybe it's something in the air?

Yesterday I had lunch with my mother in law and she said something that totally hit the nail on the head.

She said "Life is tough....get a helmet!"

Why do we spend so much time in 'victim' role? Why do we waste so much energy on accumulating sympathy as we share our 'poor me stories'?

If we are so preoccupied with being a victim, how are we going to be successful?

We cannot 'survive' if we are constantly living as a victim.

Playing the victim is a byproduct of giving your power away.

Playing the victim is not attractive and does not attract the kind of people into your life that will support you in your healing, instead it will attract people into your life that enjoy hearing your hardship stories which really means, they like to listen to all the shit you've been through because it makes them feel better about themselves. Are these the kinds of people you want surrounding you?

The jury is still out on whether or not playing victim for even 5 minutes in your life is worth it. What is the pay off? What's the reward?

There's no prize at the end of your life for the person with the most dramatic story. In fact, if you listen to that victim story for too long, you may just believe it and for sure it's going to become more and more dramatic each time you tell it, because let's face it, the bigger the response from the person you are sharing with the bigger that story gets.

Victim stories don't always sound like whining, sniveling and crying. Sometimes they are filled with anger and so we don't hear them or see them as victim stories, but they are.

Oh, and I equally enjoy watching a victim justify their behaviour with "it's because of the abuse, the neglect, the abandonment, etc.".

Right..... I totally believe you!

Boundaries and Beyond

2011-06-21T15:20:00.000-04:00

We've all spent countless hours considering our goals, creating vision boards and visualizing our futures right down to the tiniest detail.

How many of us have spent that much time (if any time at all) confirming and setting our boundaries?

This was an 'AHA' moment that I had this morning.

It's easy for us to feel violated, encrouched upon and irritated when our boundaries haven't been defined.

For instance, even though I work from home, I still like for my children to ease back into my "space" gently when they arrive home from school. My youngest loves to fly in, throw his face into mine and start explosively sharing the events of his day (anyone that has met Mr. Benjamin will know that he doesn't do anything less than explosive). Even though I know that he is going to do this, it still can set me into a mood.

I can't place blame on him, I haven't verbalized my boundaries (and quite frankly until yesterday I didn't really know that this situation needed to be a boundary at all).

The point is that every day we walk around with unset boundaries and we wonder why we feel walked on, taken advantage of and abused. We wonder why people are constantly putting their expectations on us.

As a business person, I've had many occasions where my boundaries (invisible as they are) have been crossed, that I find myself doing something in the name of 'business' and 'making money' and then feeling horribly about it afterwards.

It's time to set some firm (yet flexible) boundaries. It's time to give myself permission to say "here's what I will accept and here's what I'm not willing to entertain".

Where are your boundaries?

Have you clearly set these boundaries or are they figments of your imagination.

I feel like setting boundaries is another way to be authentic and show others that you have integrity in the work that you do (whatever that work is).

The issue has been something I've struggled with for a long time, so I'm excited that I'm feeling ready to take on the task of setting myself up for further success by placing some healthy boundaries.

Now sticking to those boundaries is a whole other blog post :)

Bumps and Bruises

2011-06-20T12:19:00.001-04:00

June has been a doozy of a month for me.

I feel like I have been pulled in every direction on every level of my personal and professional life this month.

The month started off on a complete high. Business booming, public speaking engagements and new adventures planned. Anticipation for the kids summer vacation to start, hopeful about my families future.

I was on fire.

I even started running (something I have never considered doing long term before, me having gigantic boobs and all...).

Yep, I thought for sure June was going to be MY month...

Cut to today...

Not sleeping much, fearful of what's to come, no confidence, no energy, no motivation, no appetite, no emotion whatsoever! This has been going on for a couple of weeks now.

I have a 'whatever' kind of attitude right now. And it's starting to piss me off!

Then I came across this article about the many eclipses we'll experience in the month of June, as well as the summer solstice on the 21st.

And it all becomes a little clearer.

Seriously, it's like being in a dark cave, tripping over rocks and bumping into walls, when suddenly you remember that you packed that flashlight. Duh?!?!?!

During these extreme energy shifts I sometimes catch myself standing with my hands in the air begging to be spared this horrible existence (who wants to evolve and ascend anyway?), when suddenly, out of nowhere someone smacks me on the back of the head and says 'buck up Chuck, you asked for all of this!'

Ahhhh, riiiiiggghhtt!!! I DID ask for all of this...

Like during my full moon ritual when I spoke (with great exaggeration I'll admit) that I was willing to release any and all old energy that no longer serves my highest purpose.

That quote about being careful what you wish for has just popped into my head.

I think I'll get that tattooed on my forehead as a constant reminder to keep my mouth shut the next time I utter my willingness to let go of anything I apparently was quite comfortable carrying around...

Identity Theft

2011-06-15T12:02:00.000-04:00

"Identity is theft of the self" ~ Estee Martin

I love finding quotes like this.

So much is being said in so few words. And for me, this quote nails it on the head (or bangs me on the head, whichever).

This past weekend I had the opportunity to sit with an intuitive and she offered me a message. The message was "you are already so successful and there will be plenty more of that ahead".

I thought about this message for a while. It made me happy (of course) and at the same time I questioned it.

My bank account certainly does not scream SUCCESS.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that my idea of success is so tightly wound up in my career choice and making money that it has become my identity.

This identity has brought me lots of stress. It has put me in a place of panic and worry in some moments.

It's not all bad though, of course. I love what I do, that's why I keep doing it!

What I have figured out though, is by attaching to this particular identity (or any identity for that matter), it takes me away from my self. That true part of my being that wants to relax and enjoy the ride, not fret and worry about how many workshops I have planned or whether or not I will bring in some extra cashola for the family.

True success (and yes I have blogged about this many times before, somehow I think we all need a reminder today) comes from just being. And I'm pretty good at being, except when I'm not.

Identifying strongly with an occupation, title or purpose has felt like someone stole my true identity, there have been moments of feeling a bit lost and confused, like someone erased my memory of who I was.

Do you ever feel like this?

This 'aha' moment has been like discovering the sacred 'reset' button of life. It's brought me back to myself where I can check in and see where I need to let go of this identity a little bit (okay, a lot!), so that the real me can shine through, more brilliantly than usual.

Today, I adopt the motto "identification NOT required". No more placing myself in a box with a label. No more losing myself in what it is I 'do'. It's time to lose myself in who it is I am 'being'.

My Childlike Bliss

2011-06-14T14:27:00.000-04:00

I am a child in a woman's body.

I like bright colors and finger paint. I like sparkly jewellery and sundresses. I like singing out loud and jumping over waves on the beach. I like tye-dyed t-shirts and pretty scarves. I like to cut and paste all day long (to the point where my children think this is what I do for a living!)

I am a child.

And I know it. And anyone who knows me knows it too.

And it bothers me sometimes. Because there are times when I really need to be a grown up, but honestly I can't seem to find that grown up some days (most days).

It's especially hard in the business world.

If I could make money dancing around in my garden with daisies in my hair I would.

Other times I think it's perfectly great for me to allow that child to express herself all over the place despite the eye rolls and looks of disgust from other 'grown ups'.

In my mind, nothings worth doing unless you can have copious amounts of fun doing it.

I remember hearing a biblical verse once that spoke about changing and becoming like children, and how that was a one way ticket into the kingdom of heaven.

Wee hoo!

I'm on my way.

Don't worry, I'll leave room in my suitcase for those of you who just can't make the leap into a childlike state : )

The Power in Me

2011-06-09T20:15:00.000-04:00

There is an infinite power that lives within each of us. It's ours. We are responsible for it.

So why then do we insist on giving this power away to others?

We all do it.

In fact, I did it just the other day.

In an instant, you can go from being excited and enthusiastic about life to depressed and hopeless. And all because you decided that someone else had more power over your life than you do yourself.

A phone call this morning reminded me of the importance of keeping our power.

It's important that we not lose sight that we are solely responsible for ourselves.

Placing blame on someone whether it's because we think they hurt us or because they didn't live up to our expectations in a moment that we needed them to be something they couldn't be; means that we are giving our power over to them. We have given our power away and we have assumed the role of 'victim'.

This never feels good to the body.

When you are powerless you will use words that will describe to everyone around you how you have been 'hard done by' or 'victimized' somehow. Like people are out to get you. Like people DO things TO you on purpose because you are powerless.

But this is not the real truth. And to take back your power means simply to make a conscious decision not to let someone else rule your emotional well-being. It means not letting someone else make decisions for you. It means becoming responsible for your feelings and being honest with yourself about how willing you were to let your power slip into anothers hands.

It's helpful in every situation that you find yourself losing hope, to take a breath and ask yourself "why do I feel like this?" "What is happening here that I need to look closer at?" "Why am I giving my power to someone else?" "What purpose is this serving in my emotional pain body?"

You can give your power over to someone freely if you enjoy feeling like a victim in your life. 9 times out of 10 that other person doesn't want ownership of your power anyway, they barely know how to keep their own to themselves!

It's exciting to me when I recognize where I've given my power to someone. It gives me an opportunity to make a change and turn things around. Get my body back into balance and get back into the flow of a happy life.

Where have you given your power away?

Is today the day you take it back?

I'm pretty sure... I think....

2011-06-06T22:34:00.000-04:00

I always love the nights I get to drive my son's girlfriend home.

I'm not sure if he's caught on to my devious plan or not, but I always use the quiet ride home to engage him in conversation.

Usually the conversations turn towards vampire invasions and his thoughts on nuclear war.

But not tonight.

Tonight we had a nice long talk about his future, what it might look like and how he might go about getting that done.

He hates these conversations just about as much as I do.

It totally goes against my 'Live in the Moment' mantra.

Frankly, I'd be happy if he were 4 again. Happily playing with his Lego's and announcing to us that he would one day work for the Lego company designing projects.

But he's not 4, he's 17. And in 2 years he'll be off to college to do God only knows what. And that 2 years are going to fly by like nobody's business!

I carefully balanced the conversation between asking him questions and explaining what 'real life' will look like if certain steps aren't taken shortly.

I wish society didn't need kids to be ready at 18 to make the life decision of 'what to do when I grow up'. Heck, I'm teetering on 39 and even I don't know what I want to be when I grow up!

I'm 99.9% sure that everything is going to be fine. It has to be. And if it isn't, then that's just the way it is.

I'd feel better if I could take a look into a crystal ball, just to be sure.

Worthy of Ebay?

2011-06-03T19:52:00.000-04:00

You are never going to guess what I found in my potato bag tonight....

Well...yes....a potato...

But your never going to guess what shape the potato had....

Well....no....not the Virgin Mary....

Something better

No...not the face of Jesus...

Gosh, you people suck at this guessing stuff....

It's a Heart!!!

You know God loves you when you get a gift like this as you are grumbling about having to make dinner :)

It's potato love :)

I wonder if I could sell it on Ebay?

Anyone know how to preserve a potato for eternity?

Suggestions welcome :)

My Creative Side.....

2011-05-30T14:03:00.000-04:00

Somedays I feel like I could burst with creativity!

And somedays I do!

I love the feel of my chalk pastels on my fingertips as I blend color and bring magic to a plain white piece of paper.

I love transforming my artwork into things that can be useful, as well as beautiful. I've wanted to put my art on clothing, except I'm not quite sure how to do that or if I'm ready.

For now though, I share my framed artwork and make my own note cards.

My newest love in the creative department... Squishing acrylic paints to create one of a kind miniature works of art. Then, I transform these miniatures into note cards that can be used to cheer up a friend, or remind a loved one of how much you love them.

Chalk Pastel Print note cards

Acrylic note cards

The cards are all frameable, which gives them the added bonus of not only being the card for on top of the gift, but being the gift itself!

Spending time in my art studio (aka the laundry room!) makes me feel so relaxed. I feel like the moment I decide to sit down and indulge in some play time I sink into a peaceful meditative state.

Every once in a while you'll find my youngest son sitting at my desk creating some magic of his own. These usually end up on the refrigerator or he will hide his masterpieces so he can use them as gifts when birthdays and special occasions roll around.

And sometimes I get out the acrylics and we sit on the deck and create for hours at a time!

It's fun to play and be creative. I love that my family gets to experience this in our house.

There is total freedom for them to be who they are.

I love that!

Love that Inner Beauty

2011-05-29T12:35:00.001-04:00

"Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical."
~ Sophia Loren

This quote couldn't have shown up at a better time for me.

I spent some time last weekend with my good friend Lee-Ann from Ginger Snaps! working on some new head shots.

I have never been a lover of being in front of the camera. In fact, most of the pictures in my children's photo albums are of them with their dad, or with friends, very rarely is there a picture of me.

To say I hate getting my picture taken would be an understatement.

Lee-Ann always has her work cut out for her when she works with me because I tense up, there is not a natural flow to my movement or my facial expressions. She says 'just be you' and I try very hard to do that, and I still end up holding a pose until I hear the snap of the camera.

It's just uncomfortable.

So when Lee-Ann posted some pics on facebook to advertise what she has done and show me how great the shots turned out, I had to face my fear, literally head on!

I had to stare into the eyes of the woman who does not fully appreciate her unique beauty.

And it all became clear. Well, clear in the way that it's something I've always known, just never allowed myself to believe.

That your outer beauty is really a reflection of what is in your heart. Like the quote says your inner beauty is reflected in your eyes.

My husband tells me all of the time that he wishes I could see myself the way he sees me. And I have to say that somedays I wish I could too.

I wish I could look at pictures of myself without cringing.

And thanks to Lee-Ann, I am getting the opportunity to do just that :)

Honouring my Voice

2011-05-27T08:12:00.000-04:00

I hope I didn't throw you off with that last post about 'recipe for change'.

It's getting some mixed reviews. It's not what people expect from me when I write.

Though my journey lately has been really uncomfortable, confusing and frustrating. I've been focused on my exterior instead of my interior. Something I clearly have had to do since that's what I've been doing. You can't change what is.

I realize there are better more harmonious and love filled recipes for change (and I do believe I have shared enough harmonious and love filled options in the past), but sometimes we're not ready for those types of recipes, sometimes we need something a little more spunky to get the job done. The recipe I wrote yesterday was the one I was feeling in that moment and usually I would keep those kinds of raw words to myself. I would sit with them inside of me, let them make me feel crappy and I would write something pretty and frilly once that moment passed by and I was in a different space.

But this isn't true authenticity. By doing that I'm not allowing you to see a side of me that is very real. And as embarrasing as it can be sometimes.... It is what it is....

We all have those peaceful, loving, balanced sides to ourselves and we also have darker, raw, punchy sides as well. And I am no different.

And as much as my raw side tends to only pop up once in a while, it still does.

As a healer and "spiritual" woman I hadn't given myself permission in the past to write EXACTLY what I felt in these moments because I thought it would send the 'wrong' message, it would look 'wrong' to the world.

But this blog is not only for you alone, this blog is for me. It's not a place to impress others with fancy words. (Although it thrills me to get comments and have people read what I've written) It is for me to record my journey and to work through EVERY moment that comes my way in the way that feels appropriate in the moment.

I wrote the recipe for change the way I did because it felt good just to say it! It felt good just to let out those thoughts and feelings without judging it. And if I want to be a role model for other women, then it's important for me to show you how 'real' I am. And how just by saying what you want to say can free you from the prison you've been living in.

This is a lesson in speaking my truth in the moment that I am in. Some of those moments will look a little rough around the edges, but they are real.

And at the end of the day, real is what it's all about....

Like Martha Stewart....with a twist....

2011-05-26T18:32:00.003-04:00

Is it just me or is everyone ready for a change?

Not just a little change. A big, stinking, your whole world will never look the same again, change!

My hyper-sensitive change radar has been on overdrive the last month and I just can't shake the need to reinvent myself.

Completely reinvent myself.

Maybe it's my intuition telling me there is something grander coming my way (I do recognize this feeling from other times I've had to totally step up to the plate and take action).

Maybe it's time to clear the slate and start fresh....

Whatever it is, I feel like I could move to a desert island and never look back.

But that would be running away from the issue and eventually some native tribe would take me in and I'd get tired of them too, then I'd be looking for another deserted island (because clearly the first one wasn't deserted enough for my liking).

If I were to create a recipe for change it might look like this:

2 cups of 'say what you feel, not what you think others want to hear'
1/2 cup of 'give yourself a break already'
1 cup of 'kick those dead weight, negative, time draining people to the curb'
a pinch of 'breathe and relax'
2 TBSP of 'love yourself more than you love others'
1/2 tsp of 'mind your own business'
1/2 cup of shredded 'who gives a fuck what other people think of you'
1 cherry (because every recipe needs a cherry on top)

** I sometimes add a little 'embrace who you are completely' to sweeten it and make it a bit more fluffy, but this is optional until you get the hang of making the basic recipe **

Blend together gently, ease into a greased baking pan and pop that sucker in the oven.

Serves 1

Is nicely complimented by a huge bowl of double chocolate fudge ice cream.

Calories: 0
Energy: High and Limitless
Fat: 0 grams

And I thought I couldn't bake like Martha Stewart...... ;)

Nobody else but you....

2011-05-25T08:18:00.000-04:00

I found this quote in my email inbox this morning.

"The idea that men are created free and equal is both true and misleading: men are created different; they lose their social freedom and their individual autonomy in seeking to become like each other."

-- David Riesman

I am really enjoying this quote today. It's a great reminder for me to continue to pursue my journey to become ME and not someone else.

We can get totally wrapped up in what other people are doing and wishing we could be the same way. And in doing so we lose sight of who we are, what our unique abilities and gifts to this world are and what makes us happy.

I can't ever remember a time where I was happy if I was engaged in "I have to be just like her" mode. Whether it was in business, body image, character, parenting styles, etc. The thought of having to be like someone other than myself was stressful.

In order to have happiness and flow in life you have to fully embrace who YOU are.

I think it's great to look at someone or something and gather inspiration from it; but to take steps to make it who you are without taking in if it makes you feel good is dangerous to your mental and emotional well-being.

If you spend all of your time being someone you are not, striving to be your neighbour, colleague or friend, you are denying the world the gift of YOU.

That gift that just keeps on giving in the way that only you can give it.

I see this happen all the time amongst women. Are we so unhappy with ourselves that we wish we could switch places with someone else? How sad is this?

Your happiness is not going to come from wearing a suit if you're a jogging pants kinda girl. And your happiness is not going to come from being the kind of mom that makes all of her own organic baby food if you are happiest having all kinds of free time to play and snuggle with your kids. Your happiness is not going to come in the form of working towards success in a business that doesn't suit your interests just because someone else seems to be successful in it.

Let's face it.... You are YOU and nobody else....

Isn't that fabulous?!

I think it is, because what it means is that you can drop the act. I envision it like that perfume commercial that Charlize Theron is in where she whips off her jewellery and unzips her fancy dress as she's walking towards the camera. 'J'Adore I think is the name of the perfume.

I love this visual because that is what we all need to be doing with those invisible expectations and ideals that we've placed on ourselves so we can become a carbon copy of someone else.

Here's something for you to consider the next time you find yourself trapped in self doubt about who you are and who you want to be. While you are going all googoo over someone else's life, that someone else may be going all googoo over yours!

Tricky stuff this self doubt business......

Saying goodbye to a limiting belief

2011-05-22T11:58:00.000-04:00

"And while the law of competition may be sometimes hard for the individual, it is best for the race, because it ensures the survival of the fittest in every department." ~Andrew Carnegie

This quote definitely challenges my belief that life is not (and 'should' not be) a competition.

I'm definitely in the mood to have that belief challenged today.

This belief gets in the way of my happiness.

I am not a competitive person by nature.  In the past I have found myself caught in a competition type issue without even realizing that I had stepped myself into it. It was totally by accident, and at the same time the person on the other end of that competition has felt threatened. They've felt the same way that I feel when I've had competition thrown in my face.

I hear myself saying to people all of the time, how much I despise the competitive nature of life and business. You know the 'step on anyone that gets in your way, to make a sale' type of stuff.

I would prefer for humanity to have a 'stand together as one power' than a 'divide and conquer' kind of attitude towards life.

Yet over the last few weeks I have been hearing more and more people express their competitive nature towards me, I have seen their competitiveness popping up. There is definitely a reason why this is being brought to my attention.

I have resisted competition my whole life.  It's been just recently that I'm beginning to understand why and how it is that I need to change that resistance, if for not other reason than to release the stress of that resistance.

When I resist the idea of competition I begin to feel more and more uncomfortable, more anxious and more withdrawn.

It really hit home when I heard myself verbalize this belief last night.  I finally heard what I was saying about competition and I could feel he effects it was having on me. I immediately knew I had to change it, if I was ever going to move forward, if I was ever going to stand in my power and be successful.

Then this quote popped up in my inbox this morning. How appropriate the Universe's timing.

It's time to release this limiting belief about competition. It's not going to go away just because the 'goody two shoes' voice in my head wishes it would.

With that being said, I'm not sure I'll become competitive over night, I'm not sure I'll become competitive all. However I know that by allowing myself to release the belief that competition is somehow bad or counterproductive will definitely open up some doors of opportunity for me.

And I welcome that with open arms!

ch ch ch ch changes.........

2011-05-20T20:40:00.000-04:00

I took a nap late this afternoon and when I woke up I felt completely off balance.

WTF?

I had a fabulous day preparing 4 beautiful women in their Reiki journey and thought I'd reward myself (and indulge in my slight fatigue) by taking a short nap.

That short nap turned into 2 hours.

And when I got up, my whole body felt like it didn't belong. I felt shaky and almost panicked.

My day (in fact my entire week) did not indicate anything to be anxious about, quite the opposite. And yet here I was feeling panic and anxiety after a nap?!?!?!

It's moments like these when I know with the depths of my soul that we as a species are experiencing mind blowing changes.

For the last couple of weeks I've been surfing the net for information on 'ascension symptoms'. Looking for any proof that I am in fact 'normal'and that I am not losing my mind.

I have linked to some of those sites for your interest.

You want this - a great site that tells it like it is, differentiates between 'awakening' and 'ascension'
Good ole facebook - this is a great facebook connection that can help you tap into what's going on symptom wise
Beacons of Light - I subscribe to updates from this site and have also enrolled in one of their classes. A great and informative site for everything you need to know about what is happening with planetary shifts and why they are happening
Karen Bishop - this girl got me through some really tough times. She doesn't do alot of regular updates, but this site will send you to some of her most recent :)

It's important to become connected to others who understand or at least can sympathize with what you are going through. Some of us are feeling these symptoms and changes more intensely than others, and still more have no idea what they are feeling, they just know that it is strange and unusual!

I find tapping into my intuition to be the most effective way to combat my symptoms. I love to journal how each of my days has gone, what were my feelings and experiences, and how does it support and prove to me that I am changing and growing as a spiritual being.

I also find that getting out my art supplies helps me to channel the energy a little more productively (at least I can sell the artwork, I can't sell anything if I sit on my butt all day feeling like a lump of mashed potatoes :)

So I hope that the above links help you out and get you feeling more 'human' again : ) It's nice to know that we are not alone.

And you are definitely not alone!

A life of purpose

2011-05-19T08:04:00.000-04:00

There are so many people searching for who they are. Searching for more purpose.

It's the age old quest for the purpose of life. How many people though do you think actually find that purpose?

My quest brought me to Rosemary Heenan and her hand analysis services. My frustration was overwhelming and the more overwhelmed I became the more clouded my goals.

It turns out, that I was in fact living my purpose.

That whole time I was frustrated, I was already living my purpose.

So what was the problem?

The problem was I didn't believe in myself, I didn't believe that what I was doing was important enough to be a life purpose or that it would in any way impact the world in the way that I wanted it to.

I've had the pleasure of mentoring a few clients who are struggling with their life purpose and each time the only thing standing in the way of finding that purpose was to make the decision to accept that they are living it now!

Our beliefs tell us that in order to make a difference (be on television or radio, make tons of money, give tons of money to charities, etc) we have to do something extra extra special. And when we do that extra special thing we will feel purposeful and on purpose.

Let me ask you this "who decided what you are doing today isn't extra extra special?"

We've become ignorant to the truth of our purpose because we have been desensitized to appreciating the small things that we give to the world every day.

I'll leave you with this question for today "who would you become, if you knew that by being exactly who you are today you were already living your purpose?"

Jenn's got her "warning" sign on!

2011-05-15T00:21:00.000-04:00

Lately I feel like I've been handed many opportunities to empower myself (do you see a theme here?)

Except sometimes I feel so disempowered.

You see, I prefer to enjoy life from a sunshiney disposition, always smiling and friendly to everyone.

I am well versed at overlooking the ~~bullshit~~ bologne. Because to be honest, ~~bullshit~~ bologne is none of my business....

Then I get handed a challenge that makes me feel like ripping the faces off people. Maybe because the ~~bullshit~~ bologne has piled too high and is spilling over, I don't know....

Maybe because I am a good person and I don't deserve to be talked about in the way that some people prefer to talk about me.... Does anybody ever deserve that?

Maybe because I can see the same behaviour in myself and it is ugly and I don't like it and the Universe really would like me to change it.

Maybe....

My apologies if I am being offensive, there just is no other way to put it... And well, I'm just in the mood to not give a darn tootin' about being offensive right now...

Honestly, I think it's time I get off my sunshine rainbow, put my warrior princess armour on and go ape nuts....

Here's the deal....

If you have spent no more than 2 hours with me in the entire time since you've first heard my name and of those 2 hours you were partly intoxicated, you have no grounds to speak of me....at all!

If you have nothing better to do with your time than question the integrity of others and not the integrity of yourself, you have no grounds to speak of me...

If you have not discussed the issues you question with regards to the way I teach or conduct my business with me directly, you have no grounds to speak of me to others....

And lastly, if you cannot open your mouth and speak words of love and respect about everyone you come in contact with.....you have no grounds to speak of me.....

PS - Just so we are clear, I needed to hear this message tonight as well and will be taking my own advice (as always) in order to make ME a better person to all I come into contact with.

Sincerely,

Jenn xo

Are you empowered?

2011-05-14T14:25:00.002-04:00

The other day a search into some old emails for information I needed brought me to an article that was written about empowerment and what it means to be truly empowered.

Here's the part that really caught my attention:

"Your usual tendency is to try and help another person. If a person comes to you with a problem or a situation where they just need a little push, absolutely you are right there to help them to go in the direction that will be the highest for them. What about true empowerment? What if you empowered that person so they could leave you? What if you empowered that person so they could go against the work that you were doing? How much do you trust humanity? How much do you trust your spirit?"
exerpt from Beacon's Lightworker newsletter

Wow!

I think this message is worth giving some thought to.

Most of us believe empowerment comes from keeping things to yourself. That we will get further ahead if we keep what we know to ourselves.

Further along the article reads:

"If you trust the process, you will begin empowering everyone every chance you get because even if they leave you, even if they are not in your field, even if there is no connection whatsoever, that has changed your energy more than it has changed theirs. This is the key that most of you will find will bring you to that part you brought from Home, that piece of the puzzle that all of you have been looking for that you call your passion, your purpose, your intent and your path."
exerpt from Beacon's Lightworker newsletter

This is a great message!

I have always loved empowering others to do what I do and I couldn't always figure out why.

There is an amazing feeling of joy that grows inside of me when I teach someone Reiki or how to trust their intuition or how to create art from the heart. It makes me smile and do a happy dance when a student of mine has found their 'mojo' after spending an afternoon with me, empowering others is the ultimate high!

Go ahead, empower everyone around you! Heck, teach them how to do just what you are doing in your business. Give away all your trade secrets (they aren't yours anyway). Give away your ideas (again, not yours). Give away your art and teaching techniques. Give it all away, feel the freedom and pleasure in doing so and bask in the empowerment that comes to you through this act of giving from the heart and soul.

You won't regret it.... I promise you that!

*sigh**

2011-05-13T19:02:00.000-04:00

I fear I have reached the point in my life where all my pants/shorts must be made of that fabulous stretchy material that makes it so you can gain weight and retain water without having to buy a whole new wardrobe...

What's it called.....

Wait...let me check the tag in my pants....

Oh yes.... Spandex!

I only need 1% of the stuff in my pants.... It doesn't seem like much.... But OH the freedom when you add it into the mix!

Right about now I would give my first born for the chance to meet the genius that discovered it!

Today, we had a preview of how warm our summer is going to be and I broke down and got out my pile of shorts from last year.

In the past I have managed to lose enough weight to wear the shorts from the year before.

Not this year. I tried on every single pair and not one would allow me to button them up!

Sometime over the winter my ~~ass~~ backside decided to relocate a little lower and my hips have decided they are all too comfortable with the extra few pounds of meat I packed on.

Apparently, year 39 is the year you put away those cute girly girl shorts and opt for something a little more....well....appropriate for your age.

Gone are the tighter t-shirts and shorter shorts.

Oh, who am I kidding, it happened last year but I wiggled (and jiggled) my way into those shorts and t-shirts despite the muffin top screaming at me to 'please for the love of God, wear something that fits! You're embarassing us all!"

I was kind of hoping (most likely like every other woman on the planet reaching 40) that the Universe had forgotten I was getting up there in age. I was kind of hoping it would give me another couple of years grace before things started to go downhill...

Since I love to look upon the positive in every situation. I will end this blog post with this thought...

SHOPPING TRIP!!!!!! woot woot!

Note to Self....

2011-05-12T08:12:00.000-04:00

This was my morning conversation with my 'self'.

Self: Did it ever occur to you that you are not really on a spiritual journey, that it is in fact a human journey?

Me: No.....what?

Self: The idea of being on a journey at all, suggests that you are moving towards something that you are not. When in fact you are already a spiritual being, you just don't fully understand your spiritual capacity and the wisdom that you embody.

Me: So, I've been calling it the wrong thing? Okay, whatever... What should I call it then?

Self: Why does it need a name?

Me: It doesn't NEED a name, I just like it to have an identity.

Self: And by giving it an identity, you will attach to it and then you will obsess about it and then there is 'comparing' and 'competition' between spiritual beings and that's not really the purpose behind all of this anyway.

Me: Ooooh, good one!

Self: The thing is, that this 'journey' is happening whether you are aware or not, and it is happening whether you are willing or not and it is happening whether you want it to or not. As spiritual beings you cannot stand still, you are constantly in motion when it comes to your awareness, sometimes this awareness is profound and creates extreme change and sometimes it's subtle and it takes months or years for you to notice that you have a greater understanding about your life.

Me: That makes total sense to me. I can look way back and see where there was constant movement but I wasn't always paying attention, but now I can see how much had actually been absorbed and changed, even if it looked like 10 steps backwards.

Self: Yup! So to say that you are on a spiritual journey is a misconception. You are here to have a human journey, to experience human things. This will look like a variety of things to a variety of people.

How you are living is right for you, it is the human experience that you need to have. And that could change in the blink of an eye so that you can experience something else and learn from that experience.

Me: So the message of "you grow and learn more from your low moments than you do in your high and peaceful moments" is accurate?

Self: If you characterize your low moments as 'human' moments, then yes. It is when you are embracing your human side that you will learn the most about yourself. You've experienced this when you have embraced what you consider a 'flaw' in your character, suddenly doors open up and you are in a state of complete bliss.

Your spiritual self already knows everything it needs to know about you and the world in it's entirety. There is nothing to learn when if comes to your spirit self. The moments when you feel connected to spirit are the moments when you have opened your eyes wide enough to see the truth and embrace it. You didn't 'learn' something new spiritually, you recognized that it was there all along.

Your 'human journey' IS your 'spiritual journey', they are one in the same, they are your journey to within.

Me: I'm gonna blog about this conversation.

Self: Yup!

'Ruler of the Household'

2011-05-11T14:20:00.000-04:00

We all know one of the most important duties of ~~Ruler of the Household~~ Stay at Home Mother is the stocking of the castle cupboards and refrigerator....

This morning even I cringed at the lack of food available for my children's lunches.... Which doesn't happen often let me tell you.... With only one lonely apple left in the fridge it made it difficult even for me to go on my daily morning "there are plenty of healthy foods in the fridge" speech.

So, off I went to the magical supermarket, where, by the way there is absolutely no bliss to be found (and I thought the bingo halls were bad). I don't know about you but I pick the oddest times of the day to do my grocery shopping in the hopes that I will be the only shopper there, but alas, it was not to be today....

Today was one of those 'handle with care' shopping days, you know the ones where your shopping cart is so full that things just start to fall off randomly... As hard as I tried to strategically place items so that they wouldn't fall, they still did!

I felt triumphant as I rounded my last corner, eggs balancing precariously on top of the bread, when I realized I had missed pancake mix and black olives....

~~Shit~~ Shoot.....

The only two items my children ACTUALLY asked for....

By this point my cart is too heavy to push, so I park it in an out of the way spot and run to get the things I had forgotten.

All set.

Time to find the appropriate cash out line. The shortest one, but not the one with the cashier I had last time attending it. THAT was a treat.

I think it's me.... All cashiers hate me... They see me coming with my $400 cart of groceries and they desperately wish it was their break time.... They do their best to avoid eye contact, but it's no use, I am like a heat seeking missile, I want the hell out of there and I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen.

By the time they are done scanning all of my items they have sweat running down their faces and the look of exhaustion they give me as they hand me my 5 foot long receipt almost makes me feel sorry for them....

Almost...

Because their not the suckers that have to put this stuff away when they get home!

And you know what the darling little Merritt Princes will say to their ~~Ruler~~ Mother???

Go on....take a guess.....

"There's nothing to eat in this house!"

This is the moment that if I were living in the wild as a lion or other ferocious animal, I would eat them.....

Be the change....

2011-05-08T21:43:00.000-04:00

Mahatma Ghandi's message 'be the change you wish to see in the world' is probably my most favourite message of all time.

Years ago, I really didn't know how I (little old me) could possibly be the change I wanted to see in the world. I remember feeling so deeply that I wanted to make a difference, leave a legacy of love in this world and at the same time I had no idea how I could do that.

How could a mom from a very small town in SouthWestern Ontario make any difference at all in this world. The world seemed so big, with it's problems even bigger.

As time went on however, and my resolve to 'be the change' grew along with my 'job' as mother, I realized that the most powerful 'change maker' in the world is actually a mother.

Whether you had the most loving mother as a role model or the most abusive, critical or absent mother.
She was a huge catalyst for change in this world.

Mothers push us to become our best.

To the ears of young children searching for appreciation; criticism from the woman who birthed us (or adopted us) can be sharp and painful. As we grow into adults though, we can see how our mother's behaviour has molded us and we use what we learned from her to grow more strong and confident in ourselves. We then become the mother we wished we had.

Without the model of the most loving, compassionate and nurturing mother we might not know the secret ingredients to cooking the best meal, or making the most out of an evening of entertaining friends or how to give the best hugs and kisses at bedtime.

Regardless of our upbringing, it is without a doubt, our mothers who are and who have been the catalyst of change in our lives and in the world.

It is mother's who raise their children to respect themselves and others, who stand on the sidelines and cheer their children onto success, who lay beside a sick child rubbing their hair hoping it will help them feel better. Mother's will give up their souls for their children without asking twice. And it is a mother who will worry and wonder until the day she dies whether or not she did the absolute best she could do.

So, whether you're a stay at home mom (who is over worked and under appreciated), or a working mom (who is over worked and under appreciated); understand that you are being the change that you wish to see in this world by raising strong, confident, loving, trustworthy, responsible children.

You have the power to change this world into heaven on earth through your care and love for your children.

So if all this time you thought you were 'just a mom'. Think again!

You are a strong and powerful catalyst of change.

Never underestimate the strength of a mother.

Happy Mother's Day!