Try Being the Observer...

Have you ever tried being somewhere else when you were right where you are?

You may have to read that a couple of times, it's a tongue twisting brain melter of a question.

I experienced this yesterday as I was laying down for a nap.

You see, yesterday was family day.  And it was a gorgeous weather day.  And my house was a mess.  And the dog needed to be walked.  And Ben wanted to go to the mall and 'hang out' or go to the movies and 'hang out'.  And the list goes on and on and on.

The challenge?  I was pooped out and literally felt like if I didn't lay down I would fall flat on my face!

Now, usually I push through this fatigue.  Throw an extra load of laundry in, get the dog out for her walk, take the boy to do whatever it is he wants to do and figure out what to make for dinner hoping to make it to 9pm without falling asleep in my plate of food!

Yesterday was different.  Yesterday I allowed myself an hour of rest time.  Well, it would have been restful had my mind not been juggling all of the things I needed to be doing instead of resting!

As I laid in bed I watched the thoughts swirl, I felt my stomach clench and my heart start to race.

Have you ever been the observer when your mind and body are duelling?

It's quite an incredible thing to witness.

Nowhere had my rational mind given permission to engage in this inner struggle.  In fact my breath was even and deep, I was clearly in a space of observation. 

My subconscious wanted me to stop being so lazy and my rational mind knew I needed to be resting, it felt good to my body to be laying down, snuggled under the warm blankets.  But my subconscious mind was having a hissy fit, the beliefs that are held in my subconscious were telling my body that this is not right, get up and do SOMETHING! ANYTHING!  For God's sake before the world falls apart and your children think you don't love them enough to take them to the mall on Family Day!!!!!

You think this is an exaggeration?  Tell that to my heart!  It was going a mile a minute, like it was up and running a marathon instead of relaxing and resting in a safe cozy place.

In 2.2 seconds my body was in stress mode and any hopes of getting a little snooze were called off. 

My subconscious mind wanted me to be in a place other than where I was and my body was struggling with that expectation because it wasn't happening.

This happens to us all the time without us even knowing what is going on!  Nine times out of ten we are running around blind to the fact that we are being controlled by our crazy subconscious beliefs about who we need to be, where we need to be and how we need to be getting there!

Try being the observer the next time you find yourself in the middle of this inner struggle.  It's worth it to see how incredibly powerful the subconscious is at controlling our every move.

Then once you have observed.  Let it go!  Or better yet, tell your subconscious to beat it!  No one likes an exaggerater!

Holy Distractions Batman!

One of the things that was discussed last week at the breaking free live experience in Salt Lake City was how we can become easily distracted from what REALLY  brings us joy and what we REALLY want in life.

I am a chronic sparkly light addict!
This is something I've had to admit to over and over again last week as I handed out business cards that not only excluded what I REALLY do but listed all of the things I am distracted by.

Things like artwork, angel card readings, intuitive development classes, etc., etc. 

The list goes on and on!  Apparently, there is no shortage of sparkly lights for me to be distracted by!

I do have to say that the upside to having business cards that list all of your distractions meant lots of laughs and people tended to remember who I was!  Explaining why 'Family Relationship Coach' didn't appear anywhere on my card was sheer ridiculousness!

Now that I'm home I'm seeing exactly why I find myself so easily swayed by activities that while are tons of fun to take part in, have nothing to do with my passion in life.

The reason?  My 'people pleasing, feel like I have to because someone asked me to' syndrome.

I can't tell you how many pouty faces I've come up against over the week when I've said "I'm no longer offering that service".

I've had lots of people try to reason with me and convince me that somehow I could keep doing it all and still pursue my dream of changing the world one family at a time.

Nope.  Not gonna happen.  I've made a firm commitment to stop allowing myself to be distracted and taken off course by what others feel they need from me.

Getting clear on what has been distracting me and keeping me from getting what I want in life has been a great experience!  I feel so clear headed, like someone just turned the light on and for the first time in a long time I can see the way!

The one thing I did find about deciding to let go of my distractions was the fear of loss that I experienced.  The thought "if I let go of all of these little things I will be bored, I will have no money and I will not know what to do with myself".  I also dipped into "I don't want to disappoint anyone".

Truthfully, I found the old way of doing things was exhausing, the distractions were separate entities and all needed various amounts of time and energy.  Plus, I didn't feel like I was in control of my time.  I worked mostly based on what my clients and potential customers were in need of in the moment, instead of having a clear view of where I was headed.  If there was a need I would fill it.  It was fun but there wasn't solid direction and it kept me running in circles.

I feel a great deal more clear and focused.  I feel like there is a real plan in place AND having only one or two things to focus on is so much more freeing than having one hundred various talents and skills to market!

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To kick off this new commitment I am offering a FREE Teleseminar on Tuesday, February 21 @ 7:30pm EST.  The topic?  4 KEYS TO EMPOWERING YOUR CHILD.


On this teleseminar I will share with you how I got to where I am in empowering my own children, as well as the 4 keys that I find to be tops in encouraging your child to keep their power in EVERY situation.  There's also a FREE BONUS at the conclusion of the call for you to consider!


All you have to do to get in on the call is dial the number and access code below :)


I hope you can join me!


1-555-546-1444
code: 451436#

Parenting gone wrong.....

So I guess I wasn't on the planet when the news came out about the 'redneck' dad who shot his daughters laptop for a post she made about how fed up she is with doing chores. 

I hadn't heard about it at all until today when a friend wondered why I hadn't blogged about it yet and wanted to know what I thought about the issue.

This stuff fires me up!

For those of you who were away on vacation with me while this was going down.  A father was fixing his daughters laptop (he's an IT guy) and upgrading software when he hacked into her facebook and found that she wrote a lengthy note about how she was overworked and underappreciated (though she worded it quite a bit more brightly than I am here) in her home and she was sick and tired of doing everything for her parents.

There are so many levels of wrong in this little story that it makes my head spin. 

First, I don't know a fifteen year old on the planet that at one time or another hasn't had a beef with their parents.  (note to parents; don't take everything your kids say to you or about you seriously).

Secondly, a gun?  Really?

Third, you just posted a video on YouTube of yourself shooting your daughters laptop as a consequence of her sensationalizing her family relationship and exposing your 'secrets'.  Hmmm, I wonder where she got the idea that that was appropriate behaviour?

Let's review.  Teenagers have not yet developed the prefrontal cortex, this is the part of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions.  So any extreme consequence will most likely result in another facebook post about how fucked up her dad is.  I wonder if he bought more bullets?

I know we all have opinions about how we need to parent our children and one way is not necessarily better or more right than another because we need to address situations individually as they pertain to our family.  However, I have to say that if this parent is willing to get 'fired up' (no pun intended) about a facebook note that most likely only her friends saw what else is he willing to lose his cool over?

What he did was react emotionally without really thinking about where those emotions were coming from.  He obviously doesn't like being disrespected and I have to say neither do I.  Though I've never thought to use a gun on the XBOX when I've been frustrated to gain my child's respect.

It makes me wonder how different this situation could be and how different this girls future would look if instead dad sat her down and spoke to her about how it made him feel and how much he would prefer it if she came to him directly if she was feeling this way.

Oh yes!  You parents who think this is the fluffy, sucky baby way to parent are going to have a BIG problem with that.  But let's be honest here, if you are trying to prepare your child for what you call the 'real world' you must know by now that managers, heads of companies and employers DO NOT shoot computers to gain their employees respect!  You HAVE NOT prepared your child for the real world if you are using corporal punishment to get them to obey you! 

If you want someone in your life that will obey your every word, get a robot.

Yesterday's post addressed the 'monkey see, monkey do' aspect of parenting.  If you want something different from your kids, do something different for you.  If you want respect, show respect.  If you want a facebook note that says how appreciated you are for the love you give, then it might be a good idea to abandon the thought that using a gun and videotaping a consequence is appropriate.

Have you heard the quote "how you do anything is how you do everything"?

In this case, I'd be hardpressed to see why this dad shouldn't be investigated for his behaviour since afterall his prefrontal cortex has been developed for some time now.